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If My Heart Was a House

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 21 December 2009 - 12:39 PM

I don't know why, but I just nearly broke down in tears before.

I'm over Jack. I honestly am, and I know that. Then why did I suddenly feel a wave of sadness surge over me when I went on his Facebook page, then consequently, his Tumblr? It's... strange to say in the least. There's nothing there, but I'm still somehow upset. Pardon the sudden onset of the sniffles...

I'm an idiot.

I really don't know what's wrong with me... but I know there's definitely something wrong. I knew I was a fool to look at his page, but I did it anyway. I wanted to see some mention of my name... somewhere... but of course, nothing. But there was always hope, no matter how futile it was to dream.

He is such a different person... I'm really happy for him. He's got friends whom he gets along with really well now. He fits in perfectly in his amazing world of ups and down.

I guess we all have to overcome the problems we face in life. Life honestly throws so much at you, and it's up to you as to how you respond, recover, continue, or stop. Each of us have events in our life which change how we think, feel, act...

We're all similar. We grow up, we have our fair share of problems... relationship problems, problems with friends and family, problems with one's own self. How we deal with these problems is what separates us from each other.

Our reactions to religion, alcohol, drugs, lifestyle, friends, attitudes... they can change in the blink of an eye when something strikes the very foundations which hold our own worlds together. Leaving home... making and breaking relationships... losings friends... separation... yeah, those things can change one's moral outlook on life.

And how do I cope with situations like these?

There have been so many times where an earthquake has shaken the simple barriers protecting my tomb. I should have quake-safed the place after all those times, but I guess I never really learn my lesson. Weeds always seem to grow in the cracks, walls of stone eventually crumble to dust, and the wind bitterly sweeps everything away.

No matter how hard we try to wall ourselves in, protect ourselves from the pain that people and places can incur, eventually we succumb and are left bare to the mercy of the world.

My pride is my weakness. I guess... I'm not as strong as I think. My feelings govern every single action I take. I never had a strong mind, but my morals kept me together. Somehow, I have a sense of purpose.

And I guess that's why I'm here.

Filed in - December 2009 -

2 Comments On This Entry

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Capozide Icon

23 December 2009 - 11:40 PM
Getting poetic there at the end Jonny, jesus this was an intense read.

Ivy17 Icon

01 August 2010 - 10:50 AM
I think you`re too depressive. There are so many people and things that can hurt us, but we have to be stringer and must fight. I also thought I dont have enouh force, but when I was involved in coursework help, I found a lot of friends and felt better.
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