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JGJTan Icon : (05 July 2018 - 10:07 AM) So this has been a while! It's @jgjtan and @leftyy here having a nostalgia trip. We hope you all have been having a great time so far! Miss you, be back in another 5-10 years. (Or find me on social media -- it's not that hard.)
MoldyRaven Icon : (07 November 2017 - 10:03 AM) Back again after 14 years! Good to see this still up.
X Zolon Icon : (22 October 2017 - 04:54 PM) Polo.
MA-53 Icon : (13 October 2017 - 09:42 PM) Marco
ticktockclok Icon : (08 October 2017 - 11:26 PM) Just thought of this place, and figured I would try to log in. I last posted 10 years ago. Hello to anyone out there - especially those from way back!
Res Icon : (06 October 2017 - 03:11 AM) As well as things can be, good to hear from you all :D!!! Much love all around.
X Zolon Icon : (05 October 2017 - 05:02 AM) Strange. I was thinking about it around the same time. Just didn't come back until now. Hope everyone is well.
Glammeress Icon : (16 July 2017 - 12:48 AM) Just thinking about this place, like out of nowhere. Hope everyone is well.
Rylkan Icon : (09 July 2017 - 04:07 PM) Not bad. Just finishing up grad school. Which means I am looking for distractions from writing. :p
Phieta Icon : (09 July 2017 - 05:06 AM) Still flying, so to speak. How goes with you?
Rylkan Icon : (09 July 2017 - 02:42 AM) I am even more amazed someone replied to this in less than a few month timescale. Hi! How goes?
Phieta Icon : (08 July 2017 - 09:43 PM) He does log into GW every month or so to retain leadership, so that's something
Phieta Icon : (08 July 2017 - 09:42 PM) There are several of us! Several!
Rylkan Icon : (08 July 2017 - 06:33 PM) I was actually hoping to get in touch with Cspace since its been forever. But it looks like our old leader is lost to the void.
Rylkan Icon : (08 July 2017 - 06:29 PM) In a moment of pure nostalgia, I remembered this site. Seeing any shouts from this year is insane.
asyluman Icon : (17 January 2017 - 02:45 AM) i only JUST started playing FFVIII
asyluman Icon : (17 January 2017 - 02:45 AM) woah are people still here
Phieta Icon : (13 January 2017 - 09:05 AM) Apparently I joined SeeD 14 years ago today.
Dragonman Icon : (10 September 2016 - 02:29 AM) Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive, but to be young was very heaven
x.. Icon : (13 July 2016 - 01:14 AM) idk. both of those are complicated questions.
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Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 22 May 2009 - 01:44 PM

yo. it's adrian.

all you hamilton cats... stop reading Jonny's blog.

it's not cool.


Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 02 May 2009 - 11:44 AM

Oh wow. So I'm not meant to be blogging right now because I always tell myself to never blog in these situations but I end up doing so anyway.

Okay... so I'm meant to blog about things which have happened in my life since the last time I blogged. Yeah. Okay. So I was thinking ages ago that I'd do stuff about relationships and {expletive hax0rd by Cspace}. Because I have a heap of problems which indicate that I am a total slut.

So like, we'll begin from when I reckon I last went off with my whole situation here in Wellington. Err... so I'm sure I mentioned my thing with Jack and stuff. So like we were all on-off well not really it was more like OMG. I found out that he actually liked me from like near the start and stuff. But that was at the time that I was all "oh man Ben blah blah" and {expletive hax0rd by Cspace} and then I started really liking him but then he was all like "oh we're just friends" blah blah but he didn't say that and stuff.

Well anyway, so my relationships.

I'm currently all like ARGH with everything. Because I'm trying to figure out who I am and who I like.

Oh dear god. Okay. That fully starts off this one thing. So I'm going out with this guy from work... he's really awesome. Tom. Like, at work, everyone loves him and he's a really friendly person and I can see why. Like, he's freaking awesome.

Okay. Long story shot. I turned him gay. Well, specifically, bi. I really can't be f-d describing it and stuff. Anyway, so like I was at his birthday party with like all our workmates and we kind of hit it off but like he's all straight (lol) and stuff and he doesn't do anything but like everyone knows about me and stuff and that's all good anyway.

Actually, it started with us at work. So we only cross over like an hour on Saturdays. But that happened to be enough. For that whole hour, we were just hitting it off and chatting and stuff and having little mini work competitions and whatnot. And then Norah, one of the supervisors, was like "you should come to Tom's birthday party!" and I was like "uhh that'd be weird since he didn't invite me" but then Tom turned around and was like "omg you should come to my party i'd really like it for you to come" and I IMMEDIATELY was like omg yes.

Anyway. So we hit it off real well. Then uhh... yeah. I won't go into detail, but uhh, we hit it off. Then we started going out. Yep.


Oh dear. Me being a horrible person and slut and whatnot. Okay.

So the story is. Tom's parents hate me. Why? Because I turned their son bi. Pretty much, he told his parents when I told him he shouldn't tell his parents. And then our relationship went from freaking amazing to oh dear god what because he ended up fracturing his ankle and required surgery and blah blah blah so that restricted him and I'm pretty sure his outlook and stuff was influenced by his parents' thoughts on me and you-know-what.

So our relationship hit the rocks. And then {expletive hax0rd by Cspace} happened with me and I got all f-d up.

AND THEN. As soon as like... I dunno. But pretty much, stuff happened. And I dunno... but now I have mixed feelings about both Jack and Tom. Like, with Tom, I can have a relationship and something nice. But the thing is, I don't really care because I really want to try be with Jack and just at least have SOMETHING. I don't know, I just like him. So it's a really bad situation... but sadly enough... actually, I don't know.

And then there's some other things but I can't say them here.

But also. When I went back to Hamilton for a while, I saw Ben for like an hour. And oh dear god that was a freaking awesome hour.

Like, the thing is, I really miss Ben. The only reason why (well, I reckon anyway) that me and Ben broke up is because I had to leave for Wellington. But the problem is, like, the thing is that I reckon there was hard out tension between us. Like, the thing is that I felt like it was... I dunno, it was hard out tension. Actually, I think I repeated that. Oops. But the thing is... I dunno. The problem is that I kind of fell for him again when I went back to Hamilton. I thought it would be extremely awkward between us and I was freaking out. Like, I was tihnking of ways to cancel the meeting on the day of it happening.... but then it ended up happening. And it was actually really nice... *sigh*

Argh. But I'm pretty sure the whole Ben problem after breaking up with him f-d up stuff with me in the first week. Which made things horrible between me and Jack. And by horrible, I mean in the way I didn't want. And then everything kept screwing up until Tom... and then it all screwed up again.

So all this {expletive hax0rd by Cspace} has escalated into what is happening now. I'm with Tom, but it's strained because of outside events which I can't discuss. And then I have feelings for Jack because of stuff which happened, but with him it'd probably be a fling according to him. But the thing is I don't care about that. And then I have problems with something else but I can't talk about that because no one knows about that. But yes. Tom. Jack. Other person. Other thing.

So I'm pretty much f-d up in life and screwed up so badly. I don't know though... what f-d me up has really screwed me up for life. Well, I'll be discussing this with my therapist on Tuesday so that's okay. But I have to live with it until then. Oh well, I love my therapist.

~ Jonny

Hamish: *drunkenly* It's not gay if it's Jonny or Jack.

Filed in - May 2009 -

Other Side of the World

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 23 April 2009 - 11:39 AM

Talk about taking a break from blogging. I've actually been thinking about it for a few days now. So the next few entries for a while will just be focussing on one particular area of my life e.g. work, people, uni... but I have a pretty good clue about what my next entry will be. Stay tuned for the next episode of Jonny's life!

Anyway! So the focus of today... is... well, actually I'll talk about my trip down to Wellington from Hamilton! Well, I'll start with that anyway.

So I had the whole fiasco AGAIN about travel, because I left it late... well actually, it's not that I left it late. It's the fact that there are no overnighters from Hamilton to Wellington. ARGH. There was one on the way up. I guess it's because Hamilton is a hole. Oh well.

I thought the trip was going to be horrendously long and boring. But then I met a woman from Alaska on the bus. Turns out she was just going to stay in Wellington for a few nights, after she'd been with some friends outside of Auckland. We ended up chatting for the majority of the bus ride... and that was something like 8-9 hours when she got on the bus (she got on around... Cambridge or Rotorua, somewhere there).

We talked about so many things. She told me how she was planning on staying in New Zealand for two weeks (she'd already been here since last Friday) and then she'd head to Australia for another two weeks, before going to a conference in Brisbane. Turns out she was going for some breast cancer awareness conference for survivors of breast cancer and it was to help promote support for it and whatnot which was pretty neat.

But the really awesome thing is how she lives in Girdwood, a wee bit to the east or so of Anchorage and it's got a population of around 1200 people... and, I can't exactly remember, but she either runs or works at the ski resort there! So she gets to ski every single day. And apparently the place is beautiful there.

Haha. I also loved it how she commented on how she had never seen so many sheep or cattle before in her life. That was hilarious.

And she's also very well-travelled. She told me of all her experiences travelling all around the world and visiting different places. One story which made me laugh was when she went to India, it was such a drastic change from home. I mean, going from a town of 1200 to a city of about 20 million (or maybe even more) in one go is going to freak you out a little bit. So then she wanted to downsize. 2 million. Not enough. 300,000. Apparently no difference.

She finally made it down to 2000 but even then it was a bit much, because of spacing issues in towns and stuff. But to have travelled so many places is amazing, because you'd get to experience all the different cultures and environments... it's amazing to think about.

Ahh. So it was a good chat. And in the end we finally exchanged names haha!! And then I gave her my number just in case she needed any help around Wellington while she was here (I showed her to a hotel because she didn't make any reservations beforehand... normal in the States but pretty risky here!) and she said I was welcome to stay at the ski resort whenever! Oh my god that blew me away! But she's such an amazing person I wish I could bump into her again. Honestly, she was so kind and friendly.

Also another thing which crossed my mind on the bus to work today (I'm sensing a bit of a bus motif here...). I've made so many new friends here in Wellington it's insane. And they all have similar traits to my old friends back in Hamilton slash at all the other universities in New Zealand. Like, they're obviously not exactly like each friend, but they have similar qualities to each person and it's quite interesting to think about.

I mean, it's nice that I've got lots of awesome people surrounding me here in Wellington, but it's kind of a sad feeling when you're reminded of an old friend from high school or someone says something or does something and it reminds you of someone in Hamilton... sometimes you just want to just say hi to your old friend, just to be able to say something to them. I dunno, it's all quite strange really.

*sigh* I miss so many people it's insane. Like, I went back up to Hamilton and I saw a few people, but most of them weren't there. And that made it depressing and I ended up resenting Hamilton and I couldn't wait to come back down. I mean, I knew the halls would still be quite empty, but now this place is my home and I actually grew homesick of McKenzies. Weird.

And now I'm waiting for everyone else to return. And when they do, I'll be content.

~ Jonny

Shelley: My friend's son told me to visit the glaciers, then realized which country I'm from.
Me: You never know, they could be different... somehow?
Shelley: Of course, New Zealand water in comparison to Alaskan!

Filed in - April 2009 -


Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 18 March 2009 - 10:41 AM

So yep. I've had an interestingly super fantastic week. Well, I dunno, it's just super fantastic I reckon.

Actually, I honestly can't really think of what I should talk about at the moment, but I'm forcing myself to blog. Well, attempting to anyway. This is quite annoying.

Umm... gathering thoughts...

OH! Composition workshop on Monday was absolutely amazing. I probably died of ecstasy. It was like, the best day I had ever had.

Firstly, MUSC105. That was absolutely amazing. Barbara said she was going to Colorado on Wed or Thursday or whenever so we were really upset. She's like the coolest lecturer ever. And then she said we'd have a fill-in lecturer (so I'm skipping class tomorrow because it apparently has no relevance whatsoever) and then on Monday, she still won't be back. She had this lecturer who was going to come in, but then apparently he dropped because he said he wasn't ready, so no class on Monday! WHOOOP! xD

And then the lesson was absoultely amazing. We firstly were discussing Marx's theory and stuff and like talking about communism, then we went onto John Cage and stuff. So then we have a break to change the tape recorder (since the Albany students in Auckland don't have a lecturer, they get a recording of our class) and she goes onto YouTube on the projector.

Like, she always uses YouTube to show us clips or play music for us. And she has a playlist of random songs for our class and it's so awesome. But like, she hovered over WOMANIZER during her break. OMG. So me and Bailey were getting really excited and stuff.

So then once she's done, the last 20mins of the lecture involved discussions about Britney Spears. Oh my god. It was absolutely amazing. It was because she was talking about how that morning she had been listening to John Cage for a long time, but then she switched to Britney Spears to see the difference or something. For the whole walk from Kelburn to Massey (a good 20-30mins), all she could think of was "womanizer womanizer womanizer..." and she even did a little dance to it.

So we got to listen to Britney in class and watch the music video on the big projector. It was awesome. You could hear everyone murmer the words and me and Bailey were dancing. Then Flynn poihted out that Barbara was dancing along as well and omg it was so freaking awesome. So the discussion was about something like capitalism and how Britney Spears is a product of capitalism and like comparing music and catchiness or something. All I know is it was crack up.

So pretty much, the lecture was so amazing I've named this entry after it.

OMG. And then composition class. That was AMAZING. We have workshops every Monday. Jack Body sat next to me for the whole lecture.


We had like nice little chats and he really got into the music. Holy crap he's fantastic I was like worshipping him. He's such an amazing person.

Err. Thinking thought process interrupted. Argh. Umm.

Oh yeah! So like I don't actually take many useful notes in class. The only class which I take good notes for is Classical Theory, because Geoffrey actually takes about interesting things which are important. I'm not saying the others talk bull, it's just that I'm not as interested in the work for those classes.

Like for instance, in MUSC105 I'll just take notes on random observations I make in the class, or funny quotes which Barbara says. In CMPO101, I just make note of all the funny thing Michael says. He's ridiculously crack up, despite being a tad awkward. Let's have a look at some of my notes for my recent classes...


- "I am not a communist but I am not, not a communist"
- You are the tool of the machine, not the other way around --> In Soviet Russia, machine runs you!
- Somehow silence Thomas - (Bailey) we should do battle - I agree! maybe later
- Britney Spears is a product of capitalism

And those are honestly a few of my notes... nearly all my notes for that class run along those lines. And composition isn't any better...

Actually, I won't type up those notes, because they're pretty much going to be my quotes for a while. They're honestly golden. I will never run out of quotes now. And according to Karla, Michael is a very sexual person... eww.

OMG. Buit I did my autobiography! Yeah. We'll not go into detail about that.

And I'm happy that Jack's back now. I missed him a lot.

And I think I really miss Ben a lot, sad as that may sound... I dunno. I just... really miss him. It's weird.

Okay, I'm going to stop there because I can't stay focussed on this and I'm itching to do other things. And I have to stay awake, because Jack'll be back in like 20mins or something and I said to him I'd stay conscious. Yep.

~ Jonny

Michael: It's like the performers will explode in an orgy of notes.

Filed in - March 2009 -

World Hate Center

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 11 March 2009 - 10:25 AM

I'm an idiot. That was so bad I had to remove it... I'm sorry.

~ Jonny

*text messagE*
Mr. Botting: Yo how's it all going? Staying sober and safe?

Filed in - March 2009 -

The Hollows

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 02 March 2009 - 10:38 AM

I don't know what to say. I'm kinda upset. And it's hard for me.

I honestly don't know what to say... it's like all the energy's been drained out of me. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to go to my bank appointment tomorrow. I don't want to have to go to work tomorrow. It's just... horrible.

I'm upset. Obviously. I don't know what to do. And I hate this.

I could talk about my cooking of the eggs incident I encountered today at lunchtime. I could talk about watching Skins with Ottilie, South and Jack. I could talk about how fun (and one not fun) my lectures were for the first time today. I could talk about my fun times texting people or running into people.

But I won't of course. Because I'm just a stupid idiot.

Well, I know what's wrong. But I don't want to deal with it, because I don't like to. It's just silly.

Hayley and Dre just tried counselling. Nah.

Don't judge. That's what they say, don't judge.

~ Jonny

Me: Oi, seriously, he (Ben) actually looks like Mr. Peters!
* I show Brook a photo*
Brook: Wow, he actually does. Wait a minute! Ew, that means you have the hots for Mr. Peters?!

Filed in - March 2009 -


Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 28 February 2009 - 09:49 AM

So I'm sitting by myself, in my room, with Bucky and Adrian in the lounge, Ottilie, South, Carl and Callum having gone to town to see a gig, Hayley, Dre, James, Daniel, David and Ryan downstairs partying in Ryan's room (I think with the girls from 104 as well - they're cool kids and I love 'em) and Jack's gone off visiting his mate in Weir House. And I'm having to backspace every now and then because I keep hitting the wrong buttons. This is absolutely ridiculous.

I really hoped I wouldn't be like this, but oh well. I don't mind. I'm here keeping Adrian company so it's all good. Well, I'm blooging, but it still counts.

Actually, let's just skip all that because it's too depressing.

Today was a nice day. After partying hard the night before (sadly enough as I do seeing as it's O-week), I only woke up really late this morning. Missed breakfast. Barely made it to lunch. Adrian stayed over because he was DRINKING with us last night OMG. Hard out. This is nuts. Umm but anyway, woke up and I actually just chilled out for the whole day. Honestly, it's nice to just have a relaxing day for once, although I did get kinda bored at points.

I guess it was because it was raining today and stuff, quite heavily. I would have gone and done some washing, however Cumberland is across the road and it was raining quite hard so I couldn't be bothered. And I didn't have two $1 coins.

They just killed my train of thought. It's ridiculous. I hate being like this. Well, while trying to type anyway. It's annoying. Actually, more annoying trying to compose all my thoughts and stuff. Seriously, it's just stupid and I don't like it.

ANYWAY. What was I talking about...

~ Jonny.

Ottilie: Trust me, Jack's not photogennic at all.
Jack: There's no good picture of me out there.
Ottilie: There was that nice one of you but it's a bit blurry.

Filed in - February 2009 -

We Are On Tonight

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 26 February 2009 - 06:43 AM

My god. I felt awful today.

Like, last night we'd partied hard out. Wednesday nights in Wellington is town night and everyone goes to town those nights. I chose to not go to town for the sole purpose that Jack's not 18 and I wanted to keep him company. And not in the dirty way people might think, you dirty, dirty people.

Well actually, it was quite convenient. I had orientation at the New Zealand School of Music today (oh god I'll talk about that soon) at 9am so I said that I couldn't go to town because it'd be better for me to be "party" tired, instead of "town" tired, since town in Wellington doesn't close 'til 6am and I'd be dancing all that time, unlike here in our apartment where I'd just drink lots. It's actually convenient.

So yes. I... got really, really drunk last night and I didn't intend on getting that wasted. I think it just built up in my system or something, seriously. Been partying every single night since I got here... haha that's actually quite bad. But it's mega fun. But yes. Mega drunk... and weirdly enough, I had a major heart-to-heart with Ottilie. I can't remember much of what we talked about, but I do know that it was pretty deep.

Oh. And it's irritating. Apparently Jack wants to be friends for now, according to Ottilie, since err... actually, I can't remember the reason why. I just know that much. But that makes me upset. Well, like, not upset. That's the wrong word to use. It's more disappointed. But I don't care of course, since he's such a cool friend. It actually doesn't phase me one bit.

Haha. So yes. I got woken up by South and Carl at quarter to 9... and I was to meet outside the apartments at 9am for NZSM Orientation. {expletive hax0rd by Cspace}. So I had to have a quick shower and then brush my teeth real fast, then race down. But it was terrible, because I was in a hurry and I couldn't find anything of mine. And I ended up leaving my Telecom on my bed. Only realized after we started.

But like, it was hilarious. Of all the like 350+ people in McKenzies, Cumberland and Education House, there were 3 of us. It was going to be 2, but then I made it just in time as they were passing the halls. And then it turns out the really {expletive Chuck Norris'd by Cspace}y RA who keeps telling us to be quiet and shuts down all the parties and just gets {expletive Chuck Norris'd by Cspace}y at everyone (and apparently has been studying non-stop since she's been here despite not having any classes yet) is a Music student. I think she's a third year student majoring in... performance? Or musicology. One of them. And it turns out I have a class with her.

It was crack up. She didn't realize that I'm a music student (since she always told me off for having parties or for drinks and stuff and apparently I'm known as "trouble" to a few of the RA's) and so she asked what papers I'm taking, and it turns out we're both in MUSC237. She was all cheerful and happy and stuff, but then she suddenly rounded on me saying "You're not allowed to copy my notes!!" like actually talking so loudly it couldn't be classified as a scream. Wow. Me, Jack (different Jack) and Flynn were like woah when she turned back around again. Must think I'll miss lectures or not take notes. Probably has to do with the partying. Jesus.

Oh, and it's even more crack up because all three of us in uStay studying Music are majoring in Composition. And I'm the only one double majoring. Actually, I don't think anyone else is. And if there are, there won't be many. Eek.

But the tour was ridiculously boring today. Good to know where everything was and stuff, but it was such a long walk. Like 15-20mins walk to Massey from my place, and a 15min walk to Victoria, and they're all in opposite directions from each other.

Teehee. Interruption. Got a call from mum and stuff to just chat. Then Jack came in just as I'd finished. So he's going to go bond with his flatmates and he took the goon which he'd kept in our fridge (pretty much our place is the place where people just come to chill or live in now) so he's gonna use that to "loosen them up". And then he tried to throw it up in the air but he nearly dropped it. I found it quite hilarious.

And then he gave me a hug before he went. Aww. Cute. And it was a nice hug too.

Oooh. Haha and I texted Ben today, telling him of my encounter at the NZSM. Pretty much, I'm pretty sure over half the guys studying Music like boys or something. Seriously. It cracks me up. But I guess it's usually the ones more inclined to the arty side of life who are like that. I do find it bloody hilarious though.

Oh god. But Music's going to be a {expletive Chuck Norris'd by Cspace} this year. Like, for my degree majoring in composition, the top 15 students will get through in either Instrumental/Vocal or Sonic Arts (so that's 2 streams with 15 students in each, potentially a max of 30 students since some take both) and you need to maintain a B- average the whole way through. So we hoped that there'd be like 15 or less students taking composition. So we got to the part where we divided to our different majors... and there were less than 15 people. I made sure I did a head count asap. So I was happy.

But then someone asked how many people there were taking composition. 80 students. And then the compulsory subjects like MUSC105 have all 180+ students. MUSC166 has like 80+ students. It's going to suck so much.

And now, I shall depart, because I should return Bucky his laptop, and it's 9pm and Ottilie is now here so I am off to go drinking!! James said to go wake up him if he isn't back in half an hour, and Jack says he'll come back at either 10pm or 10.30pm, or just coma out by himself. But we can't let that happen... jokes!!

~ Jonny

South: So pretty much, Music is like playing "spot the straight guy".

Filed in - February 2009 -

Time to Dance

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 24 February 2009 - 11:03 PM

I love Wellington so much!! It's actually an absolutely fantastic place to be in. Like, actually. Seriously, the people are so friendly and the environment is great!! Like, the whole city is arty. It just seeps of artiness, and I totally just wanted to make up that word.

I am missing everyone though. Especially Elly, Ben, and my workmates. Yeah. No one else is special. *sticks tongue out* Nah, I miss everyone.

Hence why I have my super cool photo wall which will just keep on growing. Got photos of everyone and I'm trying to rival Hayley's amazing wall, but I'm failing quite badly. But I've got categories at the moment. Like, I have a section for music tours of Samoa and like a few photos of Vanuatu. That goes where the mirror would have been, had it not fallen off its hook and smashed everywhere. Hell no I'm not gonna get bad luck at all, that's just silly.

And then I've got photos around the pinboard which is stupidly enough placed right above my bed. Worst place to put it, seriously. So I've arranged photos around it into different places. I wanna cover like my whole wall in photos. It'd be intense as! My RA reckons that I'll get to that point, since I have plenty of photos right now and I'll take heaps this year. biglaugh.gif

But yeah, Wellington is amazing. Omg. But the apartment looks nothing like what we'd expected. Seriously. It looked amazing in the photos and all happy and stuff. So we get here. There's a huge crack in the wall. The kitchen is tiny and ugly. And there's a huge pipe sticking out of the roof which runs all the way through the apartment. So yeah, fun times ahead.

Omg. But we're doing up this place and it'll be sweet as! I couldn't bring any plants though, since we had no space in the car. But we're gonna go buy some at the Sunday market so that'll be all good.

We also bought a sofa and two sofa chairs yesterday at the Salvation Army. It was awesome. But it was freaking annoying because they were heavy as. Seriously. They were deceptively heavy. Took 4 people for the sofa, and two people for a chair. Me and Hayley got the chair, but it was crazily heavy for the both of us anyway. But we met some really cool people at the store!! Jack and Otterly... uhh... I dunno how to spell her name. But it sounds like that. They're really cool though!!

So while the four boys on the sofa hooned off without us, me, Hayley, Jack and Otterly (since they bought a sofa chair as well and live in our halls... well... Otterly's in the one across the road, but Jack's just downstairs from us). We just struggled. Actually, it was more like me and Hayley struggled since ours was hell as heavy. We would move like 10m, then we'd all have a rest for like several minutes and then we'd continue that trend. Got some awesome stares. Friendlies said hello. And then Otterly took photos of us. bluetongue.gif

But yeah, our apartment is honestly mean stuff. We're attracting lots of people since we're just telling them all to come hang with us whenever they feel like it, since we got an open door policy for our rooms. So currently we have... oh god. I can't remember his name?? He's been with us for AGES. Argh.

But anyway, we had David in our room before. And Jack and Ryan just left, because Jack's gotta go for his design school orientation today and Ryan went to go eat his lunch.

Haha. It was crack up. Me and Hayley were just spooning in my bed this morning after breakfast because she didn't want to go to her room since the locksmith was meant to show up (but he didn't). And then Jack came to visit after his breakfast and then we dragged him along to spoon with us. And then Carl came along at one point but that wasn't for long. Then David came in and was just like wtf. Actually, we had quite a few people come in and just say that when they saw us.

OMG. I have to record the whole break up story. And it's not bad, because we actually had an amazingly good break up!

So like, I had to go see Ben before I left, so I went to his place at 9pm and we just hung out for ages. Actually, it was more like lying down, chatting, listening to music and stuff like that. All good!! Although I was really upset because I knew I'd have to break up with him and he knew that as well, but I kept on avoiding the question.

Seriously, no one wants to do anything like that. I mean, there were times when I'd feel like talking about it but then I'd get too upset, and then there were times when he'd ask me if there was something that I wanted to talk about, but I just avoided it. Then finally, when we had to go, I was real upset and so was he. And he just asked if it was okay that we just be friends and I said I was fine with that. Then there was lots of upset hugs and kisses and stuff.

And I gave him my necklace which I got in Vanuatu.

But it's all good between us. We're still texting like good mates, and there's no awkwardness between us at all. And it's nice. I mean, I really do still miss him but I know that long distance won't work at all, and I'm over it now since it was a good break up. We're friends now and it makes me happy. TheSmile.gif
And now I think I may have a crush on this new guy. Yep. Not mentioning who *cough cough* but I do like him and he seems like a really cool person. And he has a really cool taste in music, just throwing that out there. I'll have to steal some of it.

Actually, it just makes me sound like an absolute slut. I'M NOT. HONESTLY. It's just that... he's a really nice person. And I really do kinda like him. But I dunno if he likes me at all and it's frustrating. ARGH. It's quite depressing really...

Okay fine. I just got kicked off the computer by Hayley, because we're meant to be going on a mish to go shopping in town and I still haven't showered. So I have to go tighten Hayley's bra strap now. And then shower. Gah. I would say more, but I can't. Oh well.

~ Jonny

Me and Hayley: Hey Jack! Come spoon with us!!
Jack: Oh. I was wondering how Jonny managed to pull a girl into his bed and then it's just you.

Filed in - February 2009 -

Not in Rivers, but in Drops

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 16 February 2009 - 10:05 AM

I will never be able to understand the depth of my mother's love. And I will never be able to show her how much I love her.

I use this blog to track my life and history. I don't use this to advertise my life. I've never wanted to advertise my life with this. I've only wanted to keep a diary (people know why I can't keep a physical one) to look back on and see the changes in my life, to see what I've done. And for one of the very few times, this blog will actually hold something important for me...

I have never seen my mother cry so much. We've been to plenty of funerals together. She's cried, but she's stayed strong and it hasn't lasted for too long. Sometimes it lasts for a long time, but there's nothing too intense about it. Even the time when she questioned me years ago, about what she'd done wrong and if she was a bad parent, we both collapsed into each other, a mess of tears, but it subsided fast. Actually, that time it was more me breaking down into tears (okay, I'd never cried as much as I had at that point in time) than her, since she composed herself while I continued bawling and stuttering.

Again. Just before, she questioned me as to what she'd done wrong.

What she should have changed.

What made her a bad parent.

How could she have done things differently.

And she cried. And cried. And cried.

My mother never cries. She stays strong. Even when she's in a tough situation, she'll get tired and look like she hasn't slept for days (usually the case), and be completely exhausted and irritable, but she'll never cry.

And yet, this has been one of the toughest weeks for her in her life.

She told me she hadn't been sleeping well for the past week. That she'd been worrying me. And me, being the dick I am, just brushed her off and acted like the rude child I usually am. Said that it was the wine talking (we'd had a dinner party just before). And then we got into a discussion about me. And she continually asked me questions, and pointed out things, and said what she had to say. But again, because I'm a lousy person, I just ignored it.

And then her words and thoughts suddenly hit her, and she broke down into tears, and cried so much. So I took her and hugged her for as long as I could. And she poured her heart out to me.

And then I found out how much she loved me.

But of course, I can never understand how far down it goes. To be honest, I'm still reacting and thinking as to how she described how I'd be thinking, that as a child, I'd always think about myself and never fully understand the role of a parent, and just how much they care for their children.

She'd been having sleepless nights, because all she could think about was me and Chris. How had she gone wrong. How had we gone wrong.

But that's not what made her cry her heart out.

She'd built up all this worry in her heart, and finally let it out, because she couldn't keep it in her any longer. She was scared for me. Scared for me in Wellington. About the life I'd lead. The problems I'd face. Just how much harder life would be for me.

She told me to be the very best in my field, because it'll make life easier for me. It'll still be hard, but when you're the best, no one gives a damn.

And she cried the most, and I could barely make out her words, when she described all her fears. That I'd be targeted in Wellington. That someone would try to take advantage of me. That I'd be seen as an easy target. That I'd get drugged, raped, and f---ed up in the head for life. She cried, because she has friends who have been in that situation and have never fully recovered. She cried, because she knew the risks I'd be running and would never know what to do if I contracted something like AIDS. She cried.

And I just sat there, hugging her, feeling no emotion because I'm an idiot who shuts everything out. I'd even try to joke around to make her happy again. I honestly have changed from how I used to be.

I used to be serious. Of course, I was still bubbly and cheerful, but I'd know how to act in a serious situation. Nowadays, I've developed some sort of terribly dry humour. I'll try to joke to diffuse the situation. I'm not as serious as I used to be. And I usually don't know how to react now.

Afterwards, I felt everything, but at the time I couldn't do anything. If I said anything, I'd set her off again, if I cried, I'd still set her off. No matter what I'd do, my mother would continue to cry until her eyes dried up.

We sat there for possibly just under an hour. Maybe over. Time was hard to tell. But she always worried about my safety down in Wellington. And my health. And what people thought of me.

But she has nothing to worry about. I know I'm a strong person. I'll be okay. And I love her.

~ Jonny

Mum: Y-y-you'll be coming back... for... the Easter holidays?
Me: Of course. *taking the piss* And we can have a tea party!
*Mum just breaks down into tears again*
Me: Crap. Crap. I was kidding. I was KIDDING.

Filed in - February 2009 -

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