CurvedSpace Forums: CurvedSpace Forums -> Tanny's Blog

Jump to content

Toggle shoutbox Shoutbox

JGJTan Icon : (05 July 2018 - 10:07 AM) So this has been a while! It's @jgjtan and @leftyy here having a nostalgia trip. We hope you all have been having a great time so far! Miss you, be back in another 5-10 years. (Or find me on social media -- it's not that hard.)
MoldyRaven Icon : (07 November 2017 - 10:03 AM) Back again after 14 years! Good to see this still up.
X Zolon Icon : (22 October 2017 - 04:54 PM) Polo.
MA-53 Icon : (13 October 2017 - 09:42 PM) Marco
ticktockclok Icon : (08 October 2017 - 11:26 PM) Just thought of this place, and figured I would try to log in. I last posted 10 years ago. Hello to anyone out there - especially those from way back!
Res Icon : (06 October 2017 - 03:11 AM) As well as things can be, good to hear from you all :D!!! Much love all around.
X Zolon Icon : (05 October 2017 - 05:02 AM) Strange. I was thinking about it around the same time. Just didn't come back until now. Hope everyone is well.
Glammeress Icon : (16 July 2017 - 12:48 AM) Just thinking about this place, like out of nowhere. Hope everyone is well.
Rylkan Icon : (09 July 2017 - 04:07 PM) Not bad. Just finishing up grad school. Which means I am looking for distractions from writing. :p
Phieta Icon : (09 July 2017 - 05:06 AM) Still flying, so to speak. How goes with you?
Rylkan Icon : (09 July 2017 - 02:42 AM) I am even more amazed someone replied to this in less than a few month timescale. Hi! How goes?
Phieta Icon : (08 July 2017 - 09:43 PM) He does log into GW every month or so to retain leadership, so that's something
Phieta Icon : (08 July 2017 - 09:42 PM) There are several of us! Several!
Rylkan Icon : (08 July 2017 - 06:33 PM) I was actually hoping to get in touch with Cspace since its been forever. But it looks like our old leader is lost to the void.
Rylkan Icon : (08 July 2017 - 06:29 PM) In a moment of pure nostalgia, I remembered this site. Seeing any shouts from this year is insane.
asyluman Icon : (17 January 2017 - 02:45 AM) i only JUST started playing FFVIII
asyluman Icon : (17 January 2017 - 02:45 AM) woah are people still here
Phieta Icon : (13 January 2017 - 09:05 AM) Apparently I joined SeeD 14 years ago today.
Dragonman Icon : (10 September 2016 - 02:29 AM) Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive, but to be young was very heaven
x.. Icon : (13 July 2016 - 01:14 AM) idk. both of those are complicated questions.
Resize Shouts Area

Page 1 of 1

The Conversation

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 16 September 2007 - 09:52 AM

Yay Argentina in four sleeps excluding if I decide to sleep on the plane! I've started packing and it's really fun, although I'm having a hard time trying to cut down on clothes to take. So far I've decided on 5 t-shirts (one long-sleeved), 3 shirts with collar, 4 long pants (includes jeans), 2 shorts, one spare white dress shirt and black pants (we'll be wearing our blazer to Argentina - thankfully we can change out of it on the plane but we gotta be in it once we hop off the plane), sandals and normal shoes. Oh and swimming togs (I really like my togs, mum got me them last year and they're REALLY cool, like stylish and stuff and it looks good as), a rain jacket, a hoody (eugh...) and a jacket. And heaps of socks and underwear, along with two towels. So yeah, I dunno how the hell everything's going to fit in the tiny bag they gave us. :P

But what I'm really annoyed about, is the fact I'm going to look like a typical AMERICAN tourist. Everyone keeps saying I'm such an American, but I'm not! I haven't even been to the place in my life (yet I really want to). Apparently it's to do with my accent and my use of "Americanisms" such as "ain't" and the fact I spell everything with z's instead of s's (thankfully I spell "colour" and "favour" right). And Callum also says it's to do with the way I dress, since I usually always wear a dress shirt unbuttoned over a normal t-shirt whenever I go somewhere. And the clothes I'm currently wearing... are very American. Like, I usually wear black and stuff but I decided that for Argentina, I really don't want to come off as a goth or something so I hunted through my whole wardrobe for non-black clothes. I came up with 2 shirts and a pair of pants, excluding my shorts (one's a faded black, or an off-black). :sure:

So I decided to sort out cool-looking styles with the non-black clothes and I came up with a nice one... but it makes me REALLY American-like. Like, we have to take at least one pair of BLUE jeans. My god, I hate blue jeans. I used to hate jeans until I discovered how cool black jeans look so I wear them, but it's hard to wear blue jeans... but I admit, what I'm currently wearing looks pretty cool. Although I'm still deciding on whether red or white is a better t-shirt colour, currently it's white. So I'm wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt and an open light-blue collared shirt. It's bad... Callum said all I need is to wear a backwards baseball cap and it'll be complete. I REALLY don't want to come off as American when I travel there... and then mum found some jerseys and shirts in Nick's cupboard. Great... I could really do with some baseball jumpers and shirts to make me less American. :sure:

Anyway, the reason for the title of my entry today is a conversation I was over-hearing while eating dinner between mum and a family friend who decided to come over to hang out. Well actually, I'll just mention a different conversation before the real one. Kenneth (family friend of mum and dad's, they went to university together) was talking about how people these days lack plenty of knowledge about other countries and/or their history, and used an example of a quiz night he went to recently. He was disgusted that no one could answer (apart from his group) about what was the northern-most capital in the world. I immediately just blurted out "Reykjavik" (capital of Iceland) and he looked at me and said no one knew that. I felt so proud. :P

But the conversation. Mum and him were talking in Chinese half the time so I really couldn't be positive, but the thing is after being around my parents for so long, despite not knowing how to speak Chinese at all, I can usually understand what they're talking about without realizing. So they were talking in Chinese... and I just suddenly thought "Jo-Anne?" and it turns out it they were talking about her. So I listened and then realized they were discussing how hard some things must be for her...

Y'see, Jo-Anne has been a friend of ours for years and years from when mum went to study Nursing and her son's a pretty good friend of mine (his name's Jacob... funny how I know quite a few people with the name Jake). She has it tough because she raises Jacob alone, yet her job demands that she works erratic hours sometimes and he is usually alone at home. She doesn't get along with her mother very well and she has a habit of drinking quite a bit making things even harder on herself, since Jacob can't stand it and in a way it has an influence on him. He goes out with friends of his quite a bit late at night (last time I was with him, they were playing ninjas on the streets and the local golf course), he drinks every now and then and he's even done drugs. He's only told me these things because we've been so close for ages and in a way he looks up to me as a role model (he's a year younger than me).

We've been mates since we were like 6 or 7 and I always remember doing things and he'd always follow me around. I remember I used to hate it but after a while I realized it was because he didn't have someone to look up to, as his mother used to always be out working, so I relaxed and we became good friends. :)

I'm just really worried for him now, since he can be easily influenced due to a strained relationship with his mother. He loves her yet sometimes he hates it, because one night she might just be ridiculously drunk and she'll lash out at him. He always cares for her though, yet sometimes it's too much and he'll just run away for the night. Me and mum saw her in one of these moods when we went to visit them at the start of this year (they live all the way in Napier now - used to be Auckland). She was completely off her face and she ended up lashing out and both me and Jacob for a little thing and my mum got pretty angry at her (they're good friends too, but what Jo-Anne did was absolutely stupid and she's never EVER yelled at me before - she was nearly in tears about it when she sobered up in the morning) and talked to her for the whole night. That was when Jacob pretty much poured out a lot of his thoughts to me and I realized that his life is pretty unstable at the moment.

What's worse, his mother is thinking of sending him to a boarding school, since trying to be a mother and providing for the family is getting to be too much for her sometimes, and he's really scared about it. I'm worried, because I don't think he'll survive in a boarding school. He used to be a bad kid when he was younger but now that he's mature, he's pretty good. I mean, the only reason he tried drugs was because his friend pressured him into it, and he got really scared once he tried it and immediately contacted me. Teenagers will be teenagers I guess. But he knows not to do it again... I hope. :(

But that's one of the reasons I really want to go visit him during the Christmas holidays. Me and mum always go to Whangamata with them since Jo's mother lives there and we just hang out at the beach for a week or two with them. I want to see how he's doing and just pray that everything's okay and that he hasn't done something stupid.

I feel burdened with knowledge. I know so much about some people in my life it hurts a lot. I want to do so many things to help but I know that if I try to intervene, it'll collapse and there'll be no way to fix it. So all I can do is subtly influence when possible...

~ Jonny

*Sean and Liam are juggling a soccer ball*
Sean: Jonny, you should show us your juggling skills.
Me: I'm awesome as at juggling, I'll show you guys. One... two... THREE!
*ball smashes a window*
Liam: ... so much for juggling.

Filed in Argentina, Family, Friends, Spring 2007

The Approaching Curve

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 28 August 2007 - 10:01 AM

I'm failing. I don't know what went wrong this year but I'm failing miserably. If I don't do something about it, I'll fall off the edge. Although it goes for what I believe in... "If you do something, do it well" - I am, I'm failing brilliantly.

When I got home from Control (brilliant film by the way) today, I told mum about my Physics internal I failed. Mr. Hardaker had written up a letter to the parents of those who had failed the internal and most of the letter didn't apply to me, since I attended the tutorials and I only failed by a mark, but it's still a fail. So mum got really pissed off since her previous son at Boys' High never failed anything and she just ignores my oldest brother since he's the failure in her eyes, and she just raged it. I don't see why she can't appreciate who I am and that I'm not perfect, I'm not like Nick.

My weaknesses are Maths and Physics, while Nick got scholarships in both those subjects while he was at Boys' High. My strengths are more towards the arts and English to an extent, while Nick barely passed English and had to undergo private tuition just to pass, but of course my mother ignores those facts and pays attention to how brilliant he is. I can't help it if it takes me ages to understand ideas in Physics and apply them to questions. I mean, I understand the theory behind everything but I can never apply the theory to the questions because I always get confused, hence the near-Excellence in the theory and near-Achieved in the calculations. And Maths is even worse. Physics relies on Maths and I can barely understand Maths. Some things I can understand but most is just too hard, too difficult. Things just don't light up in my brain as quick as the rest of the class and by the time I understand something, the class has moved on.

But English. I love writing, I love reading, I love understanding. Most literature is an insight to what people might think of a concept or what they're feeling at that precise moment, and it can be shown through their writing or dialogue and I love it. I love to create stories because it can reflect on my mood or ideas I like or things I wish I could have. It's... creative, just like Music. Music can be played and interpreted differently depending on the musical background you were brought up in, what influenced you and what you're feeling at the time. I love to think about ideas, not write about solving problems, that's why I enjoy the arts more than science or maths.

But my mother doesn't like that idea, she can't seem to grasp the idea that I'm different to whom she'd like me to be. I never wanted to do Physics, I never wanted to even take a Science subject. I'll take Maths because it's useful to know but that'll be it. She told me to keep my subjects broad, which is a good idea, but I know what I want to do and I don't plan on changing, therefore I don't need to keep it as broad. But she doesn't like that idea. Last year she consulted a friend as to whether or not I should drop Science... a friend who is a SCIENCE teacher. Jesus... sometimes I can't stand it.

So here I am now, pissed off and questioning everything, even why I'm writing this blog entry. My day was going perfectly until I told mum I failed a paper. Now I can't think, can't study, because of all the crap she said to me. I want to be able to have a life and I'll study as well. Yet she tells me to focus more on my studies and to sacrifice my life because "we all have to make sacrifices." Fat lot of help that did for Nick, he studied 24/7 and his social life was hampered because of that. Sure he has friends and socializes, yet it isn't enough. He's... more introverted. Of course, what I'm saying is basically influenced by my personality and beliefs, but it's still not right.

So I have a balance. I do well enough in school and I maintain a good social life and try my best in what I do. I sacrifice a lot of my social life by combining it with school, sports and recreational activities so I hardly do anything extra. Recently I've been doing extra however now I'm balancing that with study.

I'm everything I could wish I was. My grades are better than average, I'm social, out-going and well-known, I'm physically fit, decent at sports and musically-capable. I'm cultured, well-educated and kind. Yet I don't have it all... I constantly suffer and it's a strain to keep up everything. Sometimes I question whether everything is worth the effort. All of what I do is for other people and I benefit from it, whether it be emotionally or something tangible. I'll keep the atmosphere happy and cheerful or I'll lift the spirits of others, even if I'm being hypocritical because someone has to do it. Yet I wish I could just stop for once, but it's nearly impossible. If I ain't my usual self, people begin to worry and it goes against my nature to have people concerned about me or upset. So I'll keep up the happy face and every now and then it'll crumble, but I'll patch it up as best as I can.

Questions. I question it all, everything I do, everything I live for, everything I believe in. One day I'll tell my story, tell the world everything I can. But for now I must keep quiet. It would break my heart to ruin everything around me, a selfish, miserable act, but sometimes it's difficult to control. Control. I require control, yet sometimes I lose grip and if I can't recover, it'll be too late...

~ Jonny

Mr. Hardaker: I bet you all $1000 that the current flowing through this goes through ABCD.
*checks the answers*
Mr. Hardaker: DCBA... hang on. No, that can't be right. Wait... let me just get a consult.
*calls Mr. Gunn (dux of his school back in the days which wasn't that long ago) out of his class for a consult*
Mr. Gunn: *after a while of looking at the question and working out* DCBA.
Mr. Hardaker: ... right. Thank you Mr. Gunn... err, moving along...

Filed in Family, Myself, School, Venting, Winter 2007

The Ghost Of You

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 24 July 2007 - 12:13 PM

Sometimes I think conversations can be a tad amusing yet disturbing at the same time. Especially when they concern the dead... that just gives me the chills.

So today I had a music lesson for keyboard. Mum's forcing me to sit the Grade 6 exam this year despite all my protests and we've even had mean screaming competitions over it since I don't think I'm good enough. But today during school I had a go at practicing one of my songs and I ended up learning the entire piece to be able to be played more than adequately from nearly not being able to play the first page. However my main concern was the song Humoreske. I can't even play the first page and I can barely even play the first line. So when I went to my music lesson, my teacher immediately gave me an alternative piece to play which I am eternally thankful for. Seriously, I just sight-read the new piece perfectly fine and if I tried with Humoreske I'd fail miserably. So now I'm more confident about sitting my exam in December, all because I ain't doing that evil song!! But don't get me wrong, I like the song. :P

But after the lesson (which are usually meant to last for half an hour but my teacher's nice and we always talk so this one went over an hour) she told me and mum a terrible story of what happened the other day. Seriously, I was so shocked. She and her husband and two other friends were coming back from Cambridge when a driver on the other lane crossed over to try and overtake and rammed right into their car. If Danny (her husband) hadn't reacted by moving away, they'd have all been dead. :(

So that sparked a sudden conversation about dead people we've known and time periods where "friends have dropped like flies over a short period of time" as my mum and my teacher would say. Needless to say, I got quite agitated by this topic but didn't really say anything. Mrs. Roguski and my mum have had their fair share of deaths though I have to say, although Joyce was pretty upset when she found out how many I'd had since she says it's too many for someone so young. I believe I can count 7 since intermediate...

But mum mentioned something which made me feel so happy inside. It turns out that every single time I've had a death around me, she's actually taken time off work to keep an eye on me. Now I didn't even realize this but if I think back, I can actually remember her just being there instead of at work. Kinda nice really... :)

~ Jonny

Mum: Whenever Virginia came around, I always got worried when she would use the toilet. She would have been able to see all the dust on the skirting boards!

Filed in Family, Music, Winter 2007

Blame It on My Youth

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 03 July 2007 - 02:24 PM

So I said I'd blog heaps while Rat's away but I'm failing miserably at it. I blame all these damn computer games I'm playing... but they're sooo good. Granado Espada (I always say the name "wrong"... I always say it correctly haha) has the most AMAZING graphics ever for an online game. I never can get over the looks and the costumes and attire worn by the characters look so awesome. I'm a sucker for old-fashioned looks which is quite sad really... nothing beats a good ol' coat or suit or even a ball gown with a bonnet. Although I highly recommend you don't fight in them, it'll take ages to get the bloodstains out of the fabric.

Anyway, I thought today during dinner "I really need to blog about this" which was quite odd. Why? The meal was absolutely fantastic. My family and I had one last dinner together before Nick went back down to Christchurch to continue his studies so we went to this place called Zinc in the middle of nowhere (corner of Herbert and Queenwood St. in Chartwell) and it is quite a posh place to be honest. You have to make reservations if you want to be guaranteed a seat and the waiter was amazing, he would keep an eye out on everyone and if anyone required anything he would be there in a flash with a pleasant smile and greeting. The service was amazing and the food was absolutely delightful. Although the dinner conversation wasn't the most appropriate, all of us (excluding my brother Chris who is known for being quite scruffy) were dressed for the occasion. Except my father. He had his old cardigan he'll never dispose of.

So we sat down for our meal and ordered, skipping the entrée and going straight for the mains. Although it took a while for the meal to be ready, once it came it was worth the wait. Mum ordered the lamb, Dad had his 900g steak he'd been waiting for, Nick had the sirloin steak and I had the roasted chicken. Quite a nice, upper-class meal... if you ignore the fact Chris ordered the VEGETARIAN pasta. As soon as he picked it, sadly enough I thought to myself how common a choice it was. Seriously, if you lined up my family and observed us all for a day, he would easily be the odd one out. But each dish was perfect. Although it was quite busy tonight so dad got his steak well-done instead of medium like he asked. But aside from that, all the food was brilliant. So then Chris and Nick left since they didn't want dessert and Chris had to finish editing his film so me, Mum and Dad had dessert. Mum had to pass because she was quite full so dad had the crème brûlée and I ordered the chocolate frodont (sp?) and they were both as good as the mains. Although I'm quite worried about my dialogue when I ordered the dessert...

Waiter: Are you ready to order your dessert now, sirs, madam?
Me: Ahh yes, my father would like the crème brûlée and I shall have the chocolate frodont.
Waiter: Excellent choice. And what about the lady? Will you be sharing the desserts?
Me: She is quite full thank you, it was a delightful meal. Although maybe just a small plate to sample.
Waiter: Fantastic. Your dessert will be ready soon.

Worth every single dollar. And the cost for dinner...

Roughly $250. Holy. Crap. But it was the best dinner I have ever had for quite some time. But once I saw the bill as the waiter brought it on the fancy mini-clipboard they always have in fancy restaurants, I just realized something.

I am an aristocratic, spoilt child. Seriously. What the HELL is up with that? I do blame it on my youth. Instead of listening to the radio when I was younger, I was attending Symphony Orchestra concerts. While people went to theme parks, I visited museums and art galleries. When my friends talked about sleepovers, I could only talk about dinner parties. Most Saturdays, me and mum will have a drink at a cafe and we'll be one of the first to try out new cafes which have just opened up. Adults enjoy holding conversation with me because I actually can hold a conversation. Why? Because I've been taught how to ever since I was a child. We still have dinner parties every now and then and I still enjoy attending an orchestral concert even though I may say I loathe it. Hell, I eat properly even when people tell me I don't need to have airs when doing whatever (especially Gary) and I drink with my pinky out! I know how to pour wine and I've been wine tasting since I was around 10. I know how to hold a wine glass depending on it being white wine or red wine. It's weird seeing everyone doing everything "wrong" in my eyes yet it's normal in theirs. I wish I could just let it all go... but a part of me enjoys being "upper-class" and it's quite odd really. It's actually fun.

And I was just about to say something else but that'd make me sound extremely homosexual so I'll just leave that bit out. And talk about it another time haha.

And I have no idea what was the purpose of that whole big rant. I think what I was trying to do was voice my thoughts at that precise moment and discuss with myself why and how I became how I am today. Devil's Advocate, that's what Ariana calls it. I love blogs for this reason, it's like a record for an internal conversation one would forget once one came to a conclusion and only remembered the awesome. So I'll leave this blog entry as history, as something I can look back on and think over.

~ Jonny

Mum: Nick, can you please pour the water?
*pours the water but makes it so that it trickles for ages until the glass is full*
Mum: Hey, it's like someone's peeing! Quick, shake off the last drops so you don't spill it everywhere.

Filed in Family, Life, Myself, Venting, Winter 2007

Page 1 of 1