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JGJTan Icon : (05 July 2018 - 10:07 AM) So this has been a while! It's @jgjtan and @leftyy here having a nostalgia trip. We hope you all have been having a great time so far! Miss you, be back in another 5-10 years. (Or find me on social media -- it's not that hard.)
MoldyRaven Icon : (07 November 2017 - 10:03 AM) Back again after 14 years! Good to see this still up.
X Zolon Icon : (22 October 2017 - 04:54 PM) Polo.
MA-53 Icon : (13 October 2017 - 09:42 PM) Marco
ticktockclok Icon : (08 October 2017 - 11:26 PM) Just thought of this place, and figured I would try to log in. I last posted 10 years ago. Hello to anyone out there - especially those from way back!
Res Icon : (06 October 2017 - 03:11 AM) As well as things can be, good to hear from you all :D!!! Much love all around.
X Zolon Icon : (05 October 2017 - 05:02 AM) Strange. I was thinking about it around the same time. Just didn't come back until now. Hope everyone is well.
Glammeress Icon : (16 July 2017 - 12:48 AM) Just thinking about this place, like out of nowhere. Hope everyone is well.
Rylkan Icon : (09 July 2017 - 04:07 PM) Not bad. Just finishing up grad school. Which means I am looking for distractions from writing. :p
Phieta Icon : (09 July 2017 - 05:06 AM) Still flying, so to speak. How goes with you?
Rylkan Icon : (09 July 2017 - 02:42 AM) I am even more amazed someone replied to this in less than a few month timescale. Hi! How goes?
Phieta Icon : (08 July 2017 - 09:43 PM) He does log into GW every month or so to retain leadership, so that's something
Phieta Icon : (08 July 2017 - 09:42 PM) There are several of us! Several!
Rylkan Icon : (08 July 2017 - 06:33 PM) I was actually hoping to get in touch with Cspace since its been forever. But it looks like our old leader is lost to the void.
Rylkan Icon : (08 July 2017 - 06:29 PM) In a moment of pure nostalgia, I remembered this site. Seeing any shouts from this year is insane.
asyluman Icon : (17 January 2017 - 02:45 AM) i only JUST started playing FFVIII
asyluman Icon : (17 January 2017 - 02:45 AM) woah are people still here
Phieta Icon : (13 January 2017 - 09:05 AM) Apparently I joined SeeD 14 years ago today.
Dragonman Icon : (10 September 2016 - 02:29 AM) Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive, but to be young was very heaven
x.. Icon : (13 July 2016 - 01:14 AM) idk. both of those are complicated questions.
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Walking Off A Cliff Again

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 18 October 2007 - 09:57 AM

I am sooo psychic. I had my crash today and I was ready for it to happen anytime so it wasn't as bad, pulled through most of it in the end. :P

But really, I had an interesting conversation with Blair today. He wasn't very happy today because of some personal issues so I tried to cheer him up and just talked to him. And that made me think of a few interesting things (yes, I know I repeated the word interesting but I'm way too lazy at the moment to think of another word).

Me and Blair were discussing whether it was all right to be unhappy around your mates. I know I do it a hell of a lot of times but I try not to and I balance it out by being all excited and cheerful. I'll try to be anyway if I ain't feeling too well, just to not let my friends worry. Blair was sitting in the corner by himself away from everyone else and listening to his iPod, so I just went over to cheer him up a little. I know he didn't want cheering up (since he said he enjoyed having depressing moments so he could be by himself - he even said he was trying to be depressed and me being there kinda killed it making it happy) but in the end I got him semi-smiling since I managed to distract him from the issues. But the question is...

1) Is it all right to be depressed among friends? I argued (well not really, more playfully, not like hard out yelling of course) that if you were depressed, one should keep up a happy face to mask one's sadness so that others don't worry. I mean, personally, I believe it's better for less people to be upset, hence the idea of "bottling it in" so that other people aren't concerned. It's better to carry the burden alone so others don't have to share it. But then of course that's hypocritical of me since I'm pretty much made of empathy. And then Blair replied by asking me who was caring about him being down? Aside from me, there was no one else taking notice. I know Carl turned to look to Blair, but then I think he knew to just leave him alone. So that brings...

2) Why don't other people care? I mean, they might acknowledge that someone's down, but does anyone help that person out? Surely people should care. Mr. Steel told me that I'm a rare kind of personality and person. I'd gotten really upset about a decision I'd made (to the extent I didn't want to eat or talk to anyone) because in a way it was selfish and it had made another person upset. I had a valid reason (him and Maurice had realized that) for my actions however I'd gotten too stressed afterwards over what I'd done which had made things worse. Therefore I got more upset over the matter (even when the "victim" came in to say everything was okay) because Sam (the freaking idiot) had made me think otherwise. So all the guilt and unhappiness just got worse and I just lay there on my bed.

And then Mr. Steel came along to have a talk to me to tell me everything was okay and that I was a very empathic person. I shared the feelings of other people around me to ease the burden, and in cases like this, I took on the burden of emotions which other people had cast aside (no one else was caring - they all told me to get over it and that I shouldn't care about the other guy's feelings) and put them on myself as penance, or to make myself to a certain extent "feel better" by having guilt and empathy for the other person. He said that it's a great characteristic to have, however the pain is great and on such young shoulders it cane be immense. Then he rambled on about growing up and experiences in life so I kinda got bored since he does that a lot.

But seriously, why don't people care? Why don't people feel a tinge of regret or a bit of sadness if they see someone upset or in an unfortunate situation and don't stop to help, but keep on going? No one seems to care at all and I can't understand why. People should feel a wave of emotion if they see someone who isn't happy. They should care a little on the inside if they see someone all alone and can't help due to social restraints. They should feel regret for a person on the streets and feel shame and sadness for that person, for lying there without anything and for being inflicted with misfortune in life. Yet people don't. Some do, but a rare few and it's shameful.


~ Jonny


Mr. Hassall: Ahh a false fire alarm. How pointless to have wasted time going outside for nothing. But of course it's all in your best interest to be safe and standing outside in the light rain is better than a fire.
Jordan: I didn't see you outside sir, did you come out of the class?
Mr. Hassall: Of course not. I stayed for as long as possible to keep an eye on all your bags so that no thieves would come steal your belongings. And it's raining outside.

Filed in Friends, Musings, Myself, Spring 2007, Venting

Smashed Into Pieces

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 13 September 2007 - 11:14 AM

BAD DAY. I'm basically in a foul mood at the moment and it's irritating and I hate everything. Yeah.

Y'see, I can always tell when I'm going to have a good or a bad day. Today was definitely bad. When I was gonna go to school, my car started being a cow to me again and the lock system wasn't being obedient. So I got annoyed and then it worked, so I drove to school. Then when I got there, NO ONE showed up until about 8.25am and that was Lillis for Biology and I got to school at 7.45am since I thought Norton and stuff would be there since he's got Biology as well. But NOO, only Lillis showed up then, and then everyone started turning up from 8.35am onwards. GRR.

And I felt silly because I was the only one waiting for Music. I could just imagine it, as soon as Mr. Robinson would call out "13 Music line up here", only I would be there and it would look weird because I'm only Year 12. But then Auryn turned up. YUSS. I didn't feel as lonerish anymore, so we just talked about the test and stuff. Like we were thinking it wouldn't be too bad since the practice exams were fairly straightforward enough, just identify chords and words every now and then. So Mr. Botting came to see us and tell us where our papers were so when Robinson called out for our class, it had grown in numbers. But both of us still felt silly because there were massive class lines on either side of us. :P

So we walked in and then sat down and started the test when everything was ready... seriously. I actually felt like crying during and after the test. There were three papers... ALL of them were nasty ones, since Mr. Botting said he was going to pick real hard ones. I thought he was being sarcastic and joking though... but he was telling the truth. Only the last paper was anything like what we'd been practicing with and even then, I spent 10 minutes trying to work out what the hell A, B, C# and D# could have been (in the end I settled for B7add9... so freaking obvious) and then moved onto the next chord which was even worse and the chord I thought it could be (after another 10 minutes) wasn't even an option, since it's a multi-choice paper from about 12 different options.

But for god's sake, those papers are NASTY. We had to even write our own harmonies for the pieces based on the chords and a few lines of the composer's harmonies for other bits of the song. And some of the chords they used were just insane, seriously, who the hell uses Bm-add11 to Em7add9 to Em-sus4 to D? We had to write two harmonies per piece and there were two papers for that... and then we had to write a melody for another bit and then identify the chord modulations and cadences. I HATE Music. I nearly did cry once I finished it. The first paper took me just over an hour to do and the second just as long...

And then when I got home, dad asked how the test was. So I told him how hard it was and how I almost felt like crying and how Mr. Botting told me once I asked about leaving early (see previous posts for reasons why I thought the test would be easy) that he'd make the test super hard. Dad just told me it serves me right for being cocky. Rage. I just RAGED it. I know I was being overly-confident over the test but that was because the only paper I'd had practice on was the last paper about chord recognition but Mr. Botting gave me easy ones to practice on and he saved the NASTIEST for the test. Holy crap, my dad can really be a dick sometimes. He then told me I should have kept my mouth shut, but I can't keep quiet if something seems easy, the teachers tell us to tell them if it seems to easy and to ask for more challenging things. Ugh.

So when MUM got back and I told her the test was a nightmare... "Oh no. Well, next time don't be over-confident." JESUS. I just spazzed it at my pillow. I told her the exact same thing as I told dad and she managed to understand, but then got all annoyed because I got angry. My god, sometimes I feel like hitting the wall or something. I'm only over-confident because I know I can do these things because Music's one of the few things I'm good at. Of course I'll have a breakdown if I can't do something I'm good at.

Seriously. Music was harder than Maths. That's how mean Mr. Botting decided to be.

What's even more annoying about today? Carl didn't get my text messages about how I can't have people staying overnight after drinks tomorrow because I have classes first thing in the morning on Saturday and my parents are having a garage sale. So then all our plans for drinks just collapsed so I tried to fix things up by finding a different place but Blair (lives down the road from me) can't have it tomorrow because he's gonna be out then. And there's no other place. UGH.

So yeah, I'm PRETTY annoyed right now. I even had the guts to ask Gary if he could get me two bottles of wine. GREAT. Now I have no one to drink them with.

Sometimes life's a {expletive Chuck Norris'd by Cspace} like that. I hate having bad days. When will my good days come long?


~ Jonny


*halfway during the exam, Mr. Botting checks up on us to see how we're doing, smiling happily*
Mr. Botting: How's everything going? Finished already, Auryn?
Auryn: *smiling and shaking his head* I think I answered about half the paper. Nasty piece of work you've got there.
Me: I hate you sir.
Mr. Botting: I know you do, I love this test so much.

Filed in Exams, Music, Spring 2007, Venting

The Approaching Curve

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 28 August 2007 - 10:01 AM

I'm failing. I don't know what went wrong this year but I'm failing miserably. If I don't do something about it, I'll fall off the edge. Although it goes for what I believe in... "If you do something, do it well" - I am, I'm failing brilliantly.

When I got home from Control (brilliant film by the way) today, I told mum about my Physics internal I failed. Mr. Hardaker had written up a letter to the parents of those who had failed the internal and most of the letter didn't apply to me, since I attended the tutorials and I only failed by a mark, but it's still a fail. So mum got really pissed off since her previous son at Boys' High never failed anything and she just ignores my oldest brother since he's the failure in her eyes, and she just raged it. I don't see why she can't appreciate who I am and that I'm not perfect, I'm not like Nick.

My weaknesses are Maths and Physics, while Nick got scholarships in both those subjects while he was at Boys' High. My strengths are more towards the arts and English to an extent, while Nick barely passed English and had to undergo private tuition just to pass, but of course my mother ignores those facts and pays attention to how brilliant he is. I can't help it if it takes me ages to understand ideas in Physics and apply them to questions. I mean, I understand the theory behind everything but I can never apply the theory to the questions because I always get confused, hence the near-Excellence in the theory and near-Achieved in the calculations. And Maths is even worse. Physics relies on Maths and I can barely understand Maths. Some things I can understand but most is just too hard, too difficult. Things just don't light up in my brain as quick as the rest of the class and by the time I understand something, the class has moved on.

But English. I love writing, I love reading, I love understanding. Most literature is an insight to what people might think of a concept or what they're feeling at that precise moment, and it can be shown through their writing or dialogue and I love it. I love to create stories because it can reflect on my mood or ideas I like or things I wish I could have. It's... creative, just like Music. Music can be played and interpreted differently depending on the musical background you were brought up in, what influenced you and what you're feeling at the time. I love to think about ideas, not write about solving problems, that's why I enjoy the arts more than science or maths.

But my mother doesn't like that idea, she can't seem to grasp the idea that I'm different to whom she'd like me to be. I never wanted to do Physics, I never wanted to even take a Science subject. I'll take Maths because it's useful to know but that'll be it. She told me to keep my subjects broad, which is a good idea, but I know what I want to do and I don't plan on changing, therefore I don't need to keep it as broad. But she doesn't like that idea. Last year she consulted a friend as to whether or not I should drop Science... a friend who is a SCIENCE teacher. Jesus... sometimes I can't stand it.

So here I am now, pissed off and questioning everything, even why I'm writing this blog entry. My day was going perfectly until I told mum I failed a paper. Now I can't think, can't study, because of all the crap she said to me. I want to be able to have a life and I'll study as well. Yet she tells me to focus more on my studies and to sacrifice my life because "we all have to make sacrifices." Fat lot of help that did for Nick, he studied 24/7 and his social life was hampered because of that. Sure he has friends and socializes, yet it isn't enough. He's... more introverted. Of course, what I'm saying is basically influenced by my personality and beliefs, but it's still not right.

So I have a balance. I do well enough in school and I maintain a good social life and try my best in what I do. I sacrifice a lot of my social life by combining it with school, sports and recreational activities so I hardly do anything extra. Recently I've been doing extra however now I'm balancing that with study.

I'm everything I could wish I was. My grades are better than average, I'm social, out-going and well-known, I'm physically fit, decent at sports and musically-capable. I'm cultured, well-educated and kind. Yet I don't have it all... I constantly suffer and it's a strain to keep up everything. Sometimes I question whether everything is worth the effort. All of what I do is for other people and I benefit from it, whether it be emotionally or something tangible. I'll keep the atmosphere happy and cheerful or I'll lift the spirits of others, even if I'm being hypocritical because someone has to do it. Yet I wish I could just stop for once, but it's nearly impossible. If I ain't my usual self, people begin to worry and it goes against my nature to have people concerned about me or upset. So I'll keep up the happy face and every now and then it'll crumble, but I'll patch it up as best as I can.

Questions. I question it all, everything I do, everything I live for, everything I believe in. One day I'll tell my story, tell the world everything I can. But for now I must keep quiet. It would break my heart to ruin everything around me, a selfish, miserable act, but sometimes it's difficult to control. Control. I require control, yet sometimes I lose grip and if I can't recover, it'll be too late...


~ Jonny


Mr. Hardaker: I bet you all $1000 that the current flowing through this goes through ABCD.
*checks the answers*
Mr. Hardaker: DCBA... hang on. No, that can't be right. Wait... let me just get a consult.
*calls Mr. Gunn (dux of his school back in the days which wasn't that long ago) out of his class for a consult*
Mr. Gunn: *after a while of looking at the question and working out* DCBA.
Mr. Hardaker: ... right. Thank you Mr. Gunn... err, moving along...

Filed in Family, Myself, School, Venting, Winter 2007

Getting into the Jam

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 16 August 2007 - 09:32 AM

My god, I can never say this enough times but I HATE BUSES. Seriously. They get too crowded, the kids on it are so darn loud, annoying and obnoxious and disrespectful to the general public. While in line for the bus, kids were just pushing and shoving everywhere and it was just insane. I let some non-schoolkids through but they just got pushed to the side and I got annoyed, so I made sure that when I got to the front of the queue, I just pushed against everyone so that the poor little kids could get on the bus. When the bus came, there was this old lady at the front thanks to some nice people. But as soon as the bus stopped, she got shoved around and nearly fell over. Only her scream stopped the masses and I got really pissed off. I hate annoying schoolkids so much, their kindness to the public is absolutely shocking. :sure:

Anyway on a lighter note, I had a super great day!! I always seem to enjoy tutor group, since I get to mix and mingle with people from different year levels and those whom I'd not normally hang out with. Then again I'm always friendly with those of different year levels and people know me so I just talk to whoever. It's nice being recognized in school and well-known... although I think it comes from the jersey. I've got the most faded maroon jumper in the whole school... it's basically pink. So people notice me from far away but thank god they know me for my face and personality, not just the jersey!! :P

But anyway. It's really cool getting to talk with everyone from different year levels. Although nearly all the Year 9s are taller than me, only Caleb's shorter. That's so darn unfair... I need a growth spurt. But it's kinda cool since people say hi to me or part ways for me when I walk by since I have some authority and respect from heaps of the Year 9s and 10s. Not so much from the Year 11-13s though, respect in a joking sort-of fashion since they'll joke but respect me which is also nice. Although from a lot of students I'm also known as a Music slacker which is hilarious. Everyone keeps asking me if I actually have Music class or am just wagging since I'll be sitting around in the Music Department heaps listening to music. :D

Ugh. And it was so annoying, for the whole week Carl's been trying to get me to go to the social. I'm completely over them and Carl was like "you know you want to go to the social, Jonny!" and even said he'd pay for my ticket but I kept refusing. I have yet to find out the reason why he wants me to go... it'd be nice but I don't have as much free time as I used to... and I'm just lazy. ;)

SPANISH ASSESSMENT. Is lamecore to the max. I've finished it now but it's sooo boring and annoying. I ended up writing down a list of what I need to include in my paper with all the tenses and it was nearly impossible for me to add the future tense. I managed to get obscure awesome ones like the pluperfect though!! Our question was on a famous New Zealander of our choice to be represented in the "Personalities of the World" committee in Spain and we had to write about that person, the reason why and what they've done do deserve it. I chose Kate Shepard since she allowed the women of NZ to be given the right to vote like last century and I can't really talk about her in the future tense... plenty in the past, but it's hard when the person's dead. :P

Jazz band tomorrow!! I'm totally excited. We're performing at the cultural festival, although it'll be in the afternoon for once which is really odd. Usually we go during lunch or whenever but it seems this time the Gypsy Pickers will be going during school time and we have to go afterschool. I think it's at the university but I'm really not too sure... it'll be fun though!! I really need to learn my solos though. :sweat:

Oh and we had our very first Argentina band meeting today!! It was during the most awesome of times, since me and Adrian were working out the tabs and scores for the music and stuff and I was also trying to study for my Classics test the next period over. Amazingly enough, the Music student teacher was a pupil of Mr. Artus, the man who wrote the Classics textbooks we use in class! So I got him to help me with the test and it was awesome, but I got sick of reading and revising after a while. And then 5 minutes before next period, Adrian got a text from Tim saying that he, Bill and Conor would be coming to Music for band practice!! So we just listened to the songs and worked out stuff which was neat as!! And I gave Conor singing coaching for his extremely insane high vocal bits in one of the songs. :eek:

It's kinda amazing though. My highest note that I can sing is one of the lowest notes that Conor can sing (D normally, E flat on a good day when warmed up) and he can sing insane high. Although he's unsure if he'll be able to sing the song well enough and high enough when we get to Argentina since he says his voice is breaking which is hilarious. But our vocal ranges are pretty amazing. We can both nearly sing two octaves (me F to D/E flat, Conor C to B), both short by about a tone or two. And yet they're well apart which is neat as. :P

I can't wait 'til we put the songs together, it'll be mean as! Although "Son et Lumiere/Inertiatic ESP" by The Mars Volta will be the hardest since they stretch each musician's talents to the max. Mine not so much since my part ain't as hard as everyone else but it's mad insane. Conor can barely sing the chorus and can't reach the highest note (D) so I'm going to have to write him a new vocal line for that bit, Tim's drumming skills are going to be challenged hard out and Bill's going to go mad on the bass. Apparently he sucks at guitar according to Adrian so Adrian'll be doing the guitar. And it's challenging but not-so-much for Adrian... but if we pull it off, it'll make the crowd go wild. :D

Tomorrow is going to be mean as! Finishing off my English assessment, then my Spanish assessment, then another band practice so I don't have to go to Maths, then more practice papers for Physics which will be cruisy and then Music last period!! Then jazz band afterschool and mum comes home in the afternoon from Christchurch!! I'm so excited! :)

Oh. And I thought I'd save this last awesome bit for last... but...

NATHAN ON SATURDAY!! :D


~ Jonny


Student teacher: Got scissors? I need to open these seasoning packets. Oh yes, your Classics test...
Year 10 student: Umm sir, aren't you meant to be looking after our class?
*sounds of screaming and crashing can be heard next door*
Student teacher: Nah, they're not up to anything. My god these noodles are good!

Filed in Music, School, Venting, Winter 2007

Sooner or Later

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 12 August 2007 - 10:15 AM

People will know me, the real me. I don't know when, but it'll happen, I'll make sure of it. A few things have gotten me thinking and it's nice to think sometimes, it's a calming activity and it's good chance to relax when you're tired or bored. But I've been thinking about myself recently and it's been bugging me.

I'm too self-conscious. I care too deeply what people think about me. If someone makes a small comment or just a general observation, I'll mould myself to change away from it if it's negative or try be like it more often if it's a good comment. And if it cuts deep I'll shirk away, as my cousin described it, like a snail. If poked, I'll withdraw further into my shell. I just have to be given space so I can move forward slowly without interruption, otherwise I'll get nowhere.

One of the comments (I'll remember them all eventually, they just won't be in chronological order) was one by Sam yesterday during the soccer match. He said a few things which got me really thinking, and I told a lie to him which cut me deep on the inside and I'm ashamed to say. What he said wasn't bad or hurtful, actually, it was the exact opposite and it made me feel real happy. But as a snail would, I withdrew into my shell so it sort of had a negative impact as well, unintentionally of course. It was really nice of him to say it though, since it got me to see just how different I am now and who I really am, yet the world won't know the truth until acknowledged by my own mouth and words. There's a time and place for everything, no matter how long it might take.

And by saying that bit up there, it's backed up my thoughts on myself. I'm ready, yet I still have to break down the barriers preventing me from telling the truth. I keep laying down trails and signs for people to deduce, so I don't actually have to say it myself, yet that shows I'm still behind the wall, protecting myself. People might say it every now and then however it's always the wrong time, the wrong place, the wrong way. I'll only say it if someone says it if it feels like the right time and it's said in the right way, not in some instances where it sounds forced, sounds accusing, sounds demanding. There's a time and place for everything...

Anyway, moving away from that little digression. I can see myself a little more clearly now. I'm more open, more myself, yet not fully there. One way to tell is that, despite having friends who read this blog, I'll still say whatever I want to no matter how much I try to hide. Blogs are nice like this, you can voice your thoughts whereas in most situations you can't really say anything. You can, but you don't want to because it doesn't feel right. But with a blog, it's like indirectly talking to someone so you can basically say whatever you like and it's not like you're actually talking to someone so you're more open and yourself. And I use this as a timeline, to observe my progression through life and these obstacles in front of me. But still, I put some limits as to what I say and if I do say something, it'll be cryptic.

I've forgotten what I was originally going to say, truth be told. This entry is an example of how my mind wanders, nonsensical and deep in thought. I could continue to carry on with these thoughts however no one would want to read pages and pages of how I think on one little topic.

Sam's comment was one of the nicest things I've heard from him, ever. And if you're somehow reading this Sam, please keep it to yourself, you'll understand. "You didn't deny it", that's what you said. You said this to me as I was following Nathan. Just watching the soccer game, that was my excuse, no matter how obvious the truth was. Then Nathan turned around to look at me and just gave me a smile, then kept on running. And you just looked at me afterwards with that blank stare on your face, you knew the truth. The truth I want to be able to say, yet am too ashamed to even mention.

So for anyone in real life that I know who happens to be reading this blog, maybe you'll know. Everyone knows. Just say to me "I know the truth and it's okay" and I'll be happy, elated to know someone out there whom I actually know reads this blog. One day I'll tell my story, or I'll take it to the grave. It'll be now or never...


~ Jonny


Aaron (guy from production): You're not like them at all. You don't sit in front of the computer for hours just playing games or doing whatever.

Filed in Myself, Venting, Winter 2007

To Them These Streets Belong

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 01 August 2007 - 11:53 AM

I just realized something today as I was biking home: Society sucks. You get shunned from society if you're part of the minority which is terrible. You need to do something to stand out of the crowd, do something to get noticed, otherwise you're just nothing and you'll stay that way, away from the group which is everyone else.

Strangely enough I'm part of both groups. It's weird how so many people in the school know my name, or at least recognize me and know who I am. I counted that while I went from English to the bike shed and out of the school grounds that I got a "Hey Jonny!!" or "JONNY!" or some random greeting a total of 14 times from random people from random age groups. It's nice for people to know you however sometimes it can be painful...

And the minority. One thing about me is that I'll try do things to get myself recognized. I don't want to be someone people will forget over time, I want to do something to make an impression. Although it might sound attention-seeking or just self-centered, I want to me remembered as someone. I've known too many people who fade into the background and it's depressing, I never want to be someone like that. However sometimes people remember me for the more embarrassing things rather than the ones I'd like to be remembered for. I remember once a substitute teacher immediately said "I have a feeling I'm going to remember your name for a long time" when he first taught me which made me feel quite nice. Apparently there's something about me which people seem drawn to in terms of liking, or so I've noticed. Most of the time I just want to be myself, to be in the background but noticed and remembered, however people will constantly push me to the front which can be... how should I say this, irritating? I just want to be me but sometimes it's really hard to say anything at all... *sigh*

Society. It shuns the minority and I hate it for that. I always have to be careful of what I do otherwise I'll stand out too much, yet I want to do some things however those actions will pin me right up there. I just want to be honest with the world...

Anyway, let's look at the happy things!! Me and Adrian were sorting out band stuff today. Ended up looking for guitar tabs for "Discovering the Waterfront" and "The Ides of March" by Silverstein, "Ready to Fall" and "Give it All" by Rise Against and "Devotion and Desire" and "Blame it on Bad Luck" by Bayside!! Umm... what else... we're playing Melville for soccer this Saturday, STINK. I wanna play Morrinsville already! :sure:

Oh yeah. I'll just copy paste from MSN since I can't be bothered typing it out: "Well today during interval I was sitting on the desk and Blair had tied his sweater (as in Carl's sweater) around Carl's neck. Carl came up to me with the sweater tied around his neck and immediately lifted it and gave me a hug and tried to trap me inside the sweater while it was still around his neck. IT SMELLED SO GOOD. I was so happy after that." :D

*ahem*

Anyway, mum wants me to go to bed now so night night. :P


~ Jonny


Ben (on his bebo page about bravery): ITS GOING THROUGH EVERY DAY WITH THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY TO YOUR FACE AND BEHIND YOUR BACK AND YOU STILL KEEP QUIET

Filed in Life, Myself, Venting, Winter 2007

Blame It on My Youth

Posted by JGJTan  Icon, 03 July 2007 - 02:24 PM

So I said I'd blog heaps while Rat's away but I'm failing miserably at it. I blame all these damn computer games I'm playing... but they're sooo good. Granado Espada (I always say the name "wrong"... I always say it correctly haha) has the most AMAZING graphics ever for an online game. I never can get over the looks and the costumes and attire worn by the characters look so awesome. I'm a sucker for old-fashioned looks which is quite sad really... nothing beats a good ol' coat or suit or even a ball gown with a bonnet. Although I highly recommend you don't fight in them, it'll take ages to get the bloodstains out of the fabric.

Anyway, I thought today during dinner "I really need to blog about this" which was quite odd. Why? The meal was absolutely fantastic. My family and I had one last dinner together before Nick went back down to Christchurch to continue his studies so we went to this place called Zinc in the middle of nowhere (corner of Herbert and Queenwood St. in Chartwell) and it is quite a posh place to be honest. You have to make reservations if you want to be guaranteed a seat and the waiter was amazing, he would keep an eye out on everyone and if anyone required anything he would be there in a flash with a pleasant smile and greeting. The service was amazing and the food was absolutely delightful. Although the dinner conversation wasn't the most appropriate, all of us (excluding my brother Chris who is known for being quite scruffy) were dressed for the occasion. Except my father. He had his old cardigan he'll never dispose of.

So we sat down for our meal and ordered, skipping the entrée and going straight for the mains. Although it took a while for the meal to be ready, once it came it was worth the wait. Mum ordered the lamb, Dad had his 900g steak he'd been waiting for, Nick had the sirloin steak and I had the roasted chicken. Quite a nice, upper-class meal... if you ignore the fact Chris ordered the VEGETARIAN pasta. As soon as he picked it, sadly enough I thought to myself how common a choice it was. Seriously, if you lined up my family and observed us all for a day, he would easily be the odd one out. But each dish was perfect. Although it was quite busy tonight so dad got his steak well-done instead of medium like he asked. But aside from that, all the food was brilliant. So then Chris and Nick left since they didn't want dessert and Chris had to finish editing his film so me, Mum and Dad had dessert. Mum had to pass because she was quite full so dad had the crème brûlée and I ordered the chocolate frodont (sp?) and they were both as good as the mains. Although I'm quite worried about my dialogue when I ordered the dessert...

Waiter: Are you ready to order your dessert now, sirs, madam?
Me: Ahh yes, my father would like the crème brûlée and I shall have the chocolate frodont.
Waiter: Excellent choice. And what about the lady? Will you be sharing the desserts?
Me: She is quite full thank you, it was a delightful meal. Although maybe just a small plate to sample.
Waiter: Fantastic. Your dessert will be ready soon.

Worth every single dollar. And the cost for dinner...

Roughly $250. Holy. Crap. But it was the best dinner I have ever had for quite some time. But once I saw the bill as the waiter brought it on the fancy mini-clipboard they always have in fancy restaurants, I just realized something.

I am an aristocratic, spoilt child. Seriously. What the HELL is up with that? I do blame it on my youth. Instead of listening to the radio when I was younger, I was attending Symphony Orchestra concerts. While people went to theme parks, I visited museums and art galleries. When my friends talked about sleepovers, I could only talk about dinner parties. Most Saturdays, me and mum will have a drink at a cafe and we'll be one of the first to try out new cafes which have just opened up. Adults enjoy holding conversation with me because I actually can hold a conversation. Why? Because I've been taught how to ever since I was a child. We still have dinner parties every now and then and I still enjoy attending an orchestral concert even though I may say I loathe it. Hell, I eat properly even when people tell me I don't need to have airs when doing whatever (especially Gary) and I drink with my pinky out! I know how to pour wine and I've been wine tasting since I was around 10. I know how to hold a wine glass depending on it being white wine or red wine. It's weird seeing everyone doing everything "wrong" in my eyes yet it's normal in theirs. I wish I could just let it all go... but a part of me enjoys being "upper-class" and it's quite odd really. It's actually fun.

And I was just about to say something else but that'd make me sound extremely homosexual so I'll just leave that bit out. And talk about it another time haha.

And I have no idea what was the purpose of that whole big rant. I think what I was trying to do was voice my thoughts at that precise moment and discuss with myself why and how I became how I am today. Devil's Advocate, that's what Ariana calls it. I love blogs for this reason, it's like a record for an internal conversation one would forget once one came to a conclusion and only remembered the awesome. So I'll leave this blog entry as history, as something I can look back on and think over.


~ Jonny


Mum: Nick, can you please pour the water?
*pours the water but makes it so that it trickles for ages until the glass is full*
Mum: Hey, it's like someone's peeing! Quick, shake off the last drops so you don't spill it everywhere.

Filed in Family, Life, Myself, Venting, Winter 2007

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