[Ferret Overlord]

Post any stand up comedian routines you thoguht extremely funny here.

Here's some of mine:

I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough...

I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead. (Laura Kightlinger)

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."

This post has been edited by Garunda Te: 02 June 2004 - 02:09 AM

[yeerk005]

lol...not bad

[Glammeress]

Those *are* pretty good!

And, Laura Kightlinger ROCKS, she and Jack Black are the coolest couple! *hehe*

[Ferret Overlord]

Here's one. This was from the 100 Funniest Standups of All Time.

See, us Italians, we give you choices. You get some black guy ngry he goes "Yo! I'm gonna whack you upside the head!" But us Italians, we say, "My friend, I will rip your eyeballs so far out of your head you will see yourself getting beaten. Would you like that my friend?" See, us Italians, we give you choices!

Don't know who did it. Roadtoad told me about it.

[©allum]

Lol... Here's one from Billy Connoly....

THose Bloody Mormons! They're so F-ing annoying!! And I bet you dinnae even know how they came about do ya? Naw?

Well, this guy got communicated to by an angel who told him to go dig up this book on the hills, but no one else could see it, or it would dissapear. HOW F-ING CONVENIENT!

Then, after he had learnt everything he needed to know to set up a new church, the angel came, and took the book back, before he showed his family it. HOW F-ING CONVENIENT!

[Ferret Overlord]

I got one.

Did you ever notice how you can hear everything at a fast food restaraunt except the prices?

Uuuh, I'd like a double whopper with mayo, umm, 2 extra large fries and, uhh, hey, what do you want, Bill?, 2 large cokes.

*SCHHH*Would you like a hot apple pie with that?*SCHHH*

Did I ask for a hot apple pie?

*SCHHH* Your total comes to hrjsfhsdkjha*SCHHH*

What was that?

*SCHH*Your total comes to HEEHAAW!*SCHHH*