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Posted 23 July 2004 - 10:52 AM
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their croutch when they ask where the bathroom is?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?
If a robber tried to rob a dance club and yelled, "Everybody get down", would all the people start dancing?
Can you make cheese out of human breast milk?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
Can blind people see their dreams?
Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
why do the ABC song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same tune?
If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
Why do they call it a hot water heater when you do not need to heat hot water?
There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
why do we drive on a park way and park on a drive way?
What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lips" to have an "s" in it?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its but"?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
How come heave metal dosen't make music when you hit it?
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
What happens when you say hi to your friend on an airplane who's name is Jack?
i always hated when old people would poke me at weddings and say "you're next" , they stopped when i started doing it to them at funerals
Before you critisize someone for doing something. Walk a mile in their shoes and the say it. That way you are a mile away and have their shoes.
There are 10 people in the world those who understand binary and those who dont.
There are 2 kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives
Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
The Best way to find a trap is to walk into it.
God has a sense of humor after all he created the platapus.
a guy talked on his cell so much that he had it bult into his hand, on day he was at a retaurant and than goes into the mens room to go take a fone call, and when he goes into the mens there is a guy standing over a urenall with some towelt paper out of his crak and the guy asks " what are you doing? " the guy says " im taking a fax "
Wife: If I died, would you re-marry?
husband: no
wife: y? u don't like being married?
husband: okay, i would re-marry
wife: would you take down the pictures of me?
husband: that would seem proper
wife: you mean you wouldn't want to see my face?
husband: okay, so i would keep them up.
wife: would she use my golf clubs?
husband: no, she's left handed.
wife: ........
Why do kamikazi piolets wear helmets?
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