[GM8]

Hey guys,

I'm currently writing a book, and I was wondering if anyone would be interested in me posting parts of my book, and me getting feedback from what you think of it. It's nowhere near where I want it to be in literary merit terms, but it's just a rough draft. So if you'd like me to start making lil posts of my book, just lemme know. By the way, it's a fantasy-type book.



Thanks,
GM8

[Dragonman]

Yeah, everyone would love to read your book. I myself like fantasy-type books. It looks like to me you have a good talent with words after reading some poems you wrote. I'll sticky it when you start posting it.

[Darkness]

come on and post it. fantasy-type books are my favorite. i'm writing a book too.

[GM8]

Well, as I promised, I'm going to start posting chapters to my book. But if anyone makes even the slightest attempt at stealing names, ideas, or anything of the sort, I will take legal action (this is a very serious matter to me). I would like to warn everyone that this is a rough draft, so I plan on making great revisions once I finish the draft. I will post as much as I can, considering the pending amount of time that is being drawn in light of recent events (Track, Graduation, Work, etc.). Here it is:


Chapter 1: The Tower of Nagul


As I walked on the well-worn stones of the long path, I gazed intensely at the ground. I thought about my past. Who do I belong to? What father do I have to boast about? All of these questions and more taunted me with an endless, yet silent laughter.
I looked up from the orange-lit path towards the sky. It was blue within blue, and it was being overcome by redness. The colors swirled in my eyes, becoming purple. A slight breeze blew through my hair.
The peace of my silent thought was broken by Dmitri.
"Phil! Wait for me!" he said.
"Dmitri, always lagging behind! Tsk, tsk!" I remarked sarcastically.
"When were Michael and Raphael supposed to meet us?" Dmitri asked.
We were supposed to meet at the Garlate Stone. Everyone called it that since it was so noticeable, and it was the name of the king's son, Garlate, prince of the land of Ronacia.
Dmitri is a friend of Michael and Raphael. He is a skilled archer, yet his punctuality is to be determined. He is a good man though.
Michael is a master warrior, taught by the best of fighters. He doesn't converse much, but when he needs something, we usually meet at the Garlate Stone.
Raphael, trained in the healing arts, is a healer. Raphael is the smallest of us all, but he can still fight well. He is liked among everyone.
Jeremiah, my best friend, is a very skilled wizard. He handles his sword very well. He is a very good fighter, and he has exceptionally good spells.
Me, Phil, well I am a wizard, and I don't like to get into any trouble. If there is trouble, I'll be there to help my friends.
Dmitri and I were walking up the path, and we could see Michael , Raphael, and Jeremiah while waiting for you guys.
"Hey, I almost felt death whisper in my ear waiting for you guys. It's good to see you, Phil. How are you?" Jeremiah asked.
"I'm trying to make the best of what I can here in this place. How are you?" I asked as I patted him on the back.
"I'm what you'd expect me to be, alive. Since I went to the Tower of Nagul, I've been busy at work. Raphael here came to the tower to get some Quantum Mercury when I heard him talking about you. I asked if I could come back with him to see you, and he told me about this meeting," Jeremiah took in some air.
"That's good to hear. Now about this meeting Michael, what is it for?" I asked, anxiously twittling my fingers. The wind picked up a little.
"I called you guys here because last night, I had a dream. Something is going to happen to Garlate. I don't know when or where, but something is going to happen," Michael predicted according to his dream.
"Then we should get back to the castle. What could the threat possibly be?" I asked puzzled.
"I don't know, but I have a notion you're right," Michael agreed, "Let's get back!"
When we reached the castle, everything was normal. There were no oddities or distractions. Everything was normal. I could sense what Michael dreamt about, but what could it be?
I turned to Jeremiah and remarked, "Last time someone had a dream, it was nothing short of an adventure."
"That's true, but this is different, as if . . . fate led us here," Jeremiah mumbled deep in thought.
I thought of who my father really was. I tried to picture myself as Garlate.
My thought was suddenly interrupted by a loud clap of thunder. The skies began to darken to a sullen gray, then black. Everything was shrouded in darkness. Only the frequent bolts of lightning and the humble candles in the homes of peasants lit the sky.
We all decided to take shelter. The rain began in small, little drops, but they soon grew to large drops, filling your hand with water in a matter of seconds.
The storm did not weaken, yet it grew. It grew until it seemed the clouds were at the climax of their wrath, when a great bolt of lightning struck the drawbridge to the castle.
The roar of men could be heard. These weren't ordinary men, the crests upon their armor gave light to the fact that they were the men of Harkul. These evil men, orcs, and stout trolls poured into the courtyard like ants upon food. Small black figures could faintly be seen.
With the sky being so dark, the orcs and trolls were at an advantage. Their eyes were accustomed to both night and day.
I shouted to everyone, "Come on! After them!"
Jeremiah pointed toward a small group of trolls and put one hand to the air. As he mumbled an incantation, a ball of light was glowing from his hand. Then suddenly, lightning struck the trolls.
Seeing a groups of orcs coming upon Jeremiah from behind, I put my mind to full focus, and with a quick snap of my sleeve to my wrist, pointing in the direction of the orcs, a wave of flame poured outward, seering the rough hide off of the orcs, leaving nothing but swords and shields.
Michael charged toward three men, swinging his mastered blade six times. The men stood with a dazed look of fear before their heads fell to the ground.
Dmitri let four arrows fly with two of them finding a target. He looked on toward the end of the army pouring into the courtyard. While his attention was captivated, an orc decorated with metal armor dealt him a mighty blow. Luckily, he moved just in time for the orc to braze his skin.
A castle guard came and killed the orc without mercy. Raphael came up to Dmitri with some herbs to take the pain out of the wound.
As their numbers went down, we began to regain hope. Their surprise attack had not startled us that badly. When battle was over, the storm died down to a light sprinkle with a cool breeze. The sun shined through the clouds with its last rays before sunset.
Damage was not too bad, but it was enough to keep us busy for a couple of days.
What Michael, Raphael, Dmitri, Jeremiah, and I all pondered, was who was that, and why did they attack us? We were all very puzzled.



Well, that's chapter 1. You must realize what looks like small paragraphs on here is actually about a fourth of my page in my book . I kinda write big, so when I type it out, it's much smaller. I hope you enjoy this first chapter, and let me tell you--I've had dry spells with my writing, so this was written back in my freshman year. Now that I have a firm and controlled grasp of the English language, I tell you to just stick through the first 5 or 6 chapters, and you'll notice a great difference in diction, figurative language, etc. as the book progresses.



Enjoy!
GM8

[CongressJon]

Would you like if I tried to post small passages which could go after each thing you post? I'm not exactly Shakespear, but occasionally I'll come up with something good.

[CongressJon]

If you want to use something for after that, this might be ok...

A bit weary from the perilous battle we had just fought, we laid down on the path, and watched the sunset.
It was so beautiful, just so undescribably beautiful, that all of my weariness left me, and I was hypnotized by the sight.
It was just so amazingly beautiful, a red ball of fire, engulfed in a sea of pink, blue, and orange.
As it set, Michael commented softly, "It is a sign."
"A sign?" I said, confused with what he meant for the moment. "What do you mean by that?"
"It is a sign of hope, of good luck, that will be brought our way."
"Oh." I said, not really paying attention to what he said.
Then we set up camp, and immediately drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter 2: Dark Times

I woke to a noise, a voice, whispering, "Phil, Phil, wake up!"
It was Jeremiah, I thought groggily, still half asleep.
"What is it... it's still dark out Jeremiah... just let me sleep..."
"You must wake up Phil!" He whispered urgently. "Someone is approaching our camp! It may be an orc, or even a whole battalian of orcs!"
That got my attention. I sat up, quickly slipped on a pair of red and white striped trousers, and walked outside the tent.
My friends were already there, and they were quite alert.
"You see that? Those shadows in the distance? I fear that they may be orcs." said Michael.
I did see them, and I was scared, for myself, and for my friends.
"Well, we must wait, and watch"
After five painful minutes of waiting, I heard galloping. It got louder and louder, and the shadow bigger and bigger, until I could almost view the creature.
I yelled out, "Who are you? Why have you come here?" and waited for an answer.
I braced myself for an attack, but then, instead of coming at me with a sword, it spoke.
"I am called Lerin. I am a traveler, a man of secrets and information. And I have come to warn you, Phillip. These are dark times, though you may not know it, and it will only continue to get darker, until the world is nothing but a world of shadows. I have come to inform you of this peril, and I can only hope that we may be able to fight it."

You don't have to use this, but I spent about twenty minutes on it, so you can if you want.

[GM8]

Well,

The gesture is nice, but I already have about 80 pages of the story written so far. Like I said, there is much revising to be done on this story, as this is a rough draft to just basically get a plot and the basic story. Once I finish the whole thing, I'll go over it again, and add, cut, and detail. Also, remember, this is the earlier stage of my book, so the more advanced vocabulary doesn't come into play until the further chapters (4 years after I started ).



Nice creativity though,
GM8

[CongressJon]

Ah, I see. Alrighty then

Just wondering, are you planning to actually publish, and sell it in bookstores?

[GM8]

Actually,

Yes, when I get to the point of finishing my book, the next step will be to look into publishing, but that is much further down the road.



,
GM8

[Dragonman]

Your book is great so far GM8, nice job. I'll be one of the first buyers of your book when it is published and being sold in stores. I am also writing a novel (series), but I'm not very far in writing in it, but I will get more time during the summer to work at it. I think that one of the hardest parts of writing a book is creating names for the characters and names of things. I'll tell you the name of it once I think of one, lol.

P.S. I pinned this for you.

[LordDragoonX]

Great story GM8 i enjoyed reading it so keep up the good work

[cjjones]

good book so far, i mainly read fantasy too. i agree with you dragonman, when you say the hardest thing is thinking of names, coz i have ideas for a book in my head.

[Serenarocks]

thats awsome, too bad i just read it or i wouldve replied soonewr, lol

[GM8]

Hey everyone,

I'm glad to see such a keen interest in my literary work. I have yet to come remotely close to the completion of my book, and I would like everyone to also remember the fact that it is a rough draft, meaning that there are many future amendments that will be made to the book. But as I promised before, I would post the next chapter when I had the time. So here I am, and here is Chapter 2 of "The Quest for Light."



Chapter 2: The Inquiry of Garlate



I was walking along the outskirts of the castle when Jeremiah came to me and said, "I think we should question Garlate."

I looked at Jeremiah, and I said, "You know what? You're right! I'll go get the others."

I walked down the path, looking towards Michael's house. I looked at the peaceful place as it stood, worn and tattered. I walked up to the door and knocked twice.

As I was about to knock again, Michael said, "Don't knock! Just come on in." I walked into his house. His house had the fragrance of flowers.

Michael came out of his room, and he asked, "What can I do for you, old friend?"

I told him we needed to question Garlate. Michael replied, "Of course! I suppose Garlate might be keeping something from us."

I told them that we should get the others if we were going to question him.

I then started off towards Dmitri's house. I listened to the trickle of the Andur Creek as I walked slowly in the golden sun rays. As I neared Dmitri's house, Dmitri came up form behind me and asked what I needed.

I said, "Dmitri, we are going to question Garlate about the attack. We think he might be keeping something from us."

Dmitri replied, "Well, what are we waiting for?"

As Dmitri and I started off towards my house, we met up with Michael and Raphael.

When we arrived, Jeremiah called us in quickly. I asked him, "What's the matter?"

He answered me impatiently, "We shouldn't ask Garlate first! We should ask for a private meeting with the king!"

"Of course!" Raphael said. "Then Garlate won't have the chance to lie to us . . . I mean, he can lie, but he won't get away with it!" he shouted enthusiastically.

Since Michael knew one of the guards so well, he arranged a private meeting with the king. Then, the guard came back out. "He would be happy to see you!" he said.

We were led into the castle. I felt the coldness of the stone as I pressed my hand to it while walking up the steep, stone steps.

The king sat in a small room with five empty chairs around a table. We sat down, and the guard left the room.

"I would like to thank you for--," the king was interrupted by Michael.

"Sorry to interrupt, but that is not why we wanted to see you, your majesty" Michael said.

"Oh, of course. Excuse me," the king said.

Jeremiah then started questioning the king. "Excuse me for asking this, but are you and Garlate having problems?" he asked.

"Why . . . I didn't think anyone had noticed," the king answered with a slightly insane laugh.

"Well, your majesty, I hate to say this, but we think Garlate is trying to have you killed so he can inherit the throne," Jeremiah boldly answered.

"I can't believe it, no, no, no! It can't be true . . . wait . . . wait one minute . . . No wonder . . . He sends out a messenger every week. He is plotting against me with our enemies! The second I go down, he will claim the crown and try to rule you . . . our enemies . . . and soon after, everybody!" the king answered hysterically.

"I am going to have him locked up!" he said, trying to hide his fiery outrage.

"No! Don't do that because the week our enemies don't hear from a messenger sent by Garlate, they will think something went wrong and attack! Instead, just let him keep doing it, and we will help you!" Jeremiah shouted.

"About your dream though Michael, I thought something was going to happen to Garlate?" I asked.

"I know, but maybe that is yet to come," Michael answered with an inquisitive tone.

"Maybe you're right. I hope you're right!" I answered with a smile.

I turned to the king and said, "Your majesty?"

"Yes?" he answered with a hint of sorrow and disappointment.

"Your majesty, we will help you in whatever way we can!" I assured him.

"Well, then I want you to destroy any threats to me! You must accept this quest! If you succeed, I shall will my whole kingdom to you, since I no longer have a son!" the king told us.

"Are you up to it, my friends?" I asked everyone anxiously.

"Why not? If we let Garlate take over, we will live the rest of our lives in misery. We cannot let those fiends run amock any longer! It is time my brethren!" Michael triumphantly announced.

The king then said to us, "I shall provide you with all that I can. I will give you an army, money, and--," he was cut off by Michael once again.

"No, we do not need an army. We need stealth. An army will only slow us down. We will need money, food, water, and horses," Michael informed the king.

"And herbs, and Quantum Mercury!" Raphael barged in.

"Okay, okay! I got that all. Just one more thing. Do you really think you will make it?" the king asked.

"there is only one way to find out, your majesty," I told him.

"I understand," the king answered with a look of doom upon his old, wrinkled face.

"Well, if we are to begin a quest, we should start preparing," Jeremiah said.

As we left the room, I felt somewhat uneasy about starting this quest. I turned toward the others on our way down the stairs, "When shall we leave?"

"Not for at least one week," Michael answered, "I've got someone to message!"

"Who?" Jeremiah asked.

"You'll see in time, Jeremiah" Michael said with a grin.

"I wonder who?" I thought to myself.



Okay. That is chapter 2, and as I typed it, I noticed that a lot of elements in here wouldn't make sense to you and might seem far-fetched. But it will seem this way because I forgot to include before that I will be adding a major addition to the book. The prologue will explain the evidence for the bad relations between the king and Garlate. Many more background issues will be solved in the prologue, but since this is a rough draft, I'm not going to bother with a prologue until I rewrite the story. I hope you enjoy it!



GM8

This post has been edited by GM8: 15 November 2003 - 01:30 AM

[GM8]

Okay,

I need to know if anyone wants me to continue my book in this forum. I kinda feel like it's not really being read or that no one is enjoying it. Just make a reply and let me know if you'd like me to continue posting chapters.



Thanks,
GM8