[Lprince]

yeah come on!
and when r u publishing it?
ciz i want to bye a copie

[cjjones]

I didn't read the chapters coz I'm reading something already and will get distracted from the plot of that if I start to read something else, but it seems to have too much talking and dialogue for the start of a book, so unless it's good, your readers will put it down and leave after the first couple of chapters.

[Unrealblight]

i like it its pretty good but like you said needs revising i might write my first book(im only in 6th grade and we dont HAVE to write one )(but im pretty good just on message board i like to type as fast as i cna so i make plenty of mistakes:P)

[GM8]

Heh,

One thing I think that many of you dont' understand is that this book is going to be more literarily-based as opposed to being plot-driven. The reason for so much dialogue is to establish a basis for my literary elements. The character formation will be important, and I hope to make this book appealing to a more professionally-inclined audience. And like I said, it's a rough draft (I will revise a lot after I have the basic idea down). There's a lot that will change, but I was just posting this to see what people thought of the general idea.



GM8

[Killerconvic]

This seems to be more of a book destined for a movie, given all the dialogue included. I like the story though, and I wish you the best when the finalized product is released.

[GM8]

Well,

I'm going to put up Chapter 3. It's been a long time since I've written in my story, but I'll ask that you kinda just bear with me through the first 4 or 5 chapters as they are laden with holes and gaps, lol. As you read toward the later chapters, you'll see the definite improvement in my writing skill. This book has been worked on on and off over the past 5 years so yeah, lol. Enjoy Chapter 3!



Chapter 3: Gabriel



When we arrived at my house, Michael immediately sent a messenger out.

"Why all of the secrecy?" I wondered.

Michael told us it would be three days before his "friend" arrived. The days passed very slowly.

When the third day arrived, so did Michael's friend. Jeremiah and I were supposed to meet everyone at Michael's house.

I walked up the creaking steps to his door and opened it. When I walked in, there was a tall, fresh looking man sitting at the table. As he rose, his blondish-brown hair fell into his blue within blue eyes.

"I am Gabriel, it's nice to meet you, Phil," he said with great suave.

"It's great to meet you, Gabriel. Did Michael tell you why he wanted you here?" I asked.

"Yes, it's a very sad situation," he told me with disappointment.

"Well, what do you do . . . I mean how do you fight?" I asked anxiously.

Michael cut in saying, "Gabriel wields a staff that is deadly to any of his enemies. He is swift and cunning. He is usually mild tempered, but when someone makes him mad, I highly recommend that you stay out of his way."

"Well, Gabriel, we are glad to have you with us," said Dmitri as he welcomed Gabriel by shaking his hand.

"Now, about this quest," Gabriel asked, "When are we leaving?"

"We are leaving in five days," Michael said.

"Where are we going?" Gabriel asked.

"Wow, I never thought about that one. Where are we going?" asked Michael.

"Jeremiah?" I asked.

"Jeremiah should have something up his sleeve!" Raphael said.

"Well guys, I have an idea! How about following one of Garlate's messengers? That way we could be led to every base!" Jeremiah announced.

"Incredible! I knew we could count on you, Jeremiah!" I thanked him, "In three days, Garlate will routinely send a messenger, then we will follow him." We decided to get our supplies from the king.

"Michael?" Jeremiah asked.

"Huh? What?" said Michael.

"Did you arrange supplies for Gabriel?" Jeremiah thoughtfully questioned.

"Oh no! I forgot!" Michael said.

"Don't worry guys, I will take care of it," I assured them.

I walked to the guard, and I asked to speak to the king. In a few moments, the king walked quickly up to me saying, "What is it? What's the matter?"

I told him, "Nothing, everything is fine. We just need supplies for one more person."

"Oh. I understand," he said as he turned to a guard and mumbled something.

Gabriel walked up to me and asked, "Any luck?"

"Yes, they are bringing them now," I told him.

In five minutes, I saw a horse with supplies on it followed by five horses in the same manner.

There was a note attached to one of the horses. It read:

Brave Men,

Here are the supplies you asked for. I am forever in your debt. For your quest, I have also sent the best food prepared by my personal attendant. This food will last one month. For Raphael, I have included a full compliment of our healing supplies, much more than what he asked for. I only hope for your success, and may you live through your trials. I thank you with my deepest gratitude.

King Lauris

I finished checking supplies, and I gave the note to Gabriel. Gabriel took the note to the others.

I took the horses, and I led them back to my house. Everyone was already waiting for me there.

When I stepped inside, I looked into the faces of my companions. Everyone had an eager look on their faces. I then said, "Well guys, three days until we leave on our quest. We had better rest up and exercise so we won't be too out of shape."

"Yes. That would be best," Michael said.

"If we are going to exercise, we must do it in secret. We wouldn't want Garlate discovering our plan. If he does, we should hurry back here as fast as possible!" Jeremiah said.

"I agree," Dmitri said.

So for two days, we practiced spells, and we exercised. Every long day was filled with tiresome workouts and many incantations.

When the third day arrived, we watched for Garlate's messenger. When we saw him leave, we waited a few moments before we left. When we departed, we departed stealthily and unnoticed. WE had a dangerous road ahead of us.



So that ends Chapter 3. I hope you enjoy it. Do look forward to better chapters as the story continues, lol.



GM8

[GM8]

When's the last time someone besides me actually checked this out? Should I even continue posting? Lemme know.

[alkore]

Your vocab and interest in books is amazing. You say your 80 pages into this book? I really enjoy the words and your imagination. There isnt many first hand fantasy writters (that use I instead of a name). Now is tihs the final work or just a sketch of the book? IUm postin the sketch of my book but it s a general idea.

Any and all writers on this fourm are the best. Some of you should really post your work on here. I love the storys ideas. Gm8 continue

This post has been edited by alkore: 16 October 2004 - 04:51 PM

[Lanyx_00]

Nice....very nice...

[GM8]

I've not had much time to work on my story. I've been extremely busy with college life, the changing of majors, my fraternity, and preparations for the ensuing holiday. Now that I take a look at my story after I've learned so many literary techniques, it is obvious that it will be the bare bones of what I will turn into a great story, eventually. I simply need to get enough ideas down to where I have a feasible start for the story. The character development will change drastically, and the incorporation of literary elements will take place. Once I catch up to my stopping point, I will pick up the story and take it to an extreme level. I didn't know nearly as much as I do now about the many techniques that go into creating such plot twists and suspense, but rest assured, eventually, you will see my story. I'm in the process of writing a short story that will be published in a literary magazine. I'll be sure to make a seperate post regarding the magazine it is published in, in the event that anyone would like to purchase a copy and enjoy it for themselves.

As for the massive amount of dialogue, things will change greatly. I plan on making it more realistic, along with adding in some character development within the dialogue. There will be more colloquial phrases, and the speaking won't seem so forced. And in all fairness, I will work on the inclusion of cursing. It doesn't seem realistic that physical, mental, and violent hardships are not met with appropriate amounts of verbal compensation to illustrate the severity of the respective situation.

Thank you for your comments, and I promise that eventually, I'll have my story readily available to you. It won't be any time soon, though, as I regret to inform you. And when it is made available, it will be at a cost. I do this to protect my copyrights and to make the best of my work. Perhaps I will write short stories on these boards to entertain you while you wait, heh.

[Ashenbow]

cant wait until its written, im also currently writing a book which i hope will be finished in the far future