[ErusAngelus]

Ok if you read the book/ Literature forum then you know I posted 4 poems.I am announcing my begining in poetry and because of some support from XZ's Mum I might write a short story but for now it will be poetry I have done 2 more poems and I will post them here and I will make more....underlined parts are te Titles

I am already there
I am already there next to you
Seeing and watching every
Movement you make slowly correcting
Every mistake you have made
I will be there for you day in and day out
I will be there for you since you were born
I changed your clothes I watched you grow
I fed you your first food; I gave you your first lecture
I watched you grow from a baby to a grown adult
I seen you get married; I was next to you the whole
Aisle, I was in the delivery room when you had your son
You did not see me but I was there because I promised you
I would always be with you no
Matter what happened to me
And I plan on keeping that promise
Even if it means I stay out of heaven for a tiny bit more
I want to be next to you.

The Final Promise
The shells fall landing around us
We were so close we were smiling and running
Not a year ago, we were happy where we were
We joined the army to defend our families
We were sent out to the war and we hid in
The bunkers together, we made a pact
To tell each other’s family if we did not make it
Out of this war, we would take care of both
Families. We wrote to them everyday sending
Them promises we would make it back. Then a
Year later we were trapped in the hole. We made
A fight for it and bullets flew all around us hitting
Rock and dirt. That is when I heard you scream and I
Looked to see you falling down to your knees raising a
Hand to the sky saying your family’s names. You then
Looked at me and smiled I grabbed you and held you in
My hands crying my eyes out. I cried over your body
I cared not what happened around me. That is when I heard
A voice. I knew it was you, you said remember the promise.
I picked up my gun and I walked back holding you in my arms
Crying. I took a boat home and we had you buried and to this day
I remember everything we did together since we were born. You were
My twin. And I took care of both families keeping that promise not cause
You were my twin not because you were my blood but because I loved you
Like you were my own son and my own family.

M.L.B Jr

This post has been edited by ErusAngelus: 03 March 2005 - 07:28 AM

[Kimojuno]

I loved them both - really showing talent and the second made me somewhat cry (I say somewhat because I hate crying so I fought the tears ) - anyway the only thing I didn't like was:

I would always be with you no
Matter what happened to me

Kind of throws you off there are others but that's the main I noticed in the first and the second had:

Out of this war, we would take care of both
Families. We wrote to them everyday sending

--

Although I do understand why you broke it up but it just made me want to think and stop reading for a second to figure out what I missed (even though it was right below). Anyway I hope you understand what I mean and oh I think I told you but Allpoetry.com is a great place to hang out and submit poetry / storys and just make friends.

[Spikeout]

good luck man

although im more into happy poetries

[Ruckus Fox]

Good luck...Though I despise emotional poetry. I don't mind some that's smart and witty, but the dramatic stuff...I haaaate...Good luck though! I'd never discourage another writer, so go out and write!

I have spread my dreams before the crowd. Tread lightly, for you walk upon my dreams.

^ Famous quote, no? Could help a writer such as yourself. I don't know about you poets But I put devotion and care into my work.

---Ruckus the Rogue