[©allum]

On 'Text Knock Out' the other night, Eminem's '*** Like That' song beat Denis Leary's '*******' by a 66%-34% majority.

[Aaron]

Not so surprising...

[©allum]

But '*******' is definitely a contender for best song evar.

[Darkness]

What?

[©allum]

'A**hole' is less popular in NZ than '*** Like That'.

Dood, pop culture.

[Final F8]

AY - ESS - ESS - AITCH - OH - EL - EE! EVERYBODY!

[©allum]

Folks
I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me
About you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Or maybe below the cockles
Maybe in the sub-cockle area
Maybe in the liver
Maybe in the kidneys
Maybe even in the colon
We don't know

I'm just a regular joe
With a regular job
I'm your average white
Suburbanite slob
I like football, and porno, and books about war
I've got an average house
With a nice hardwood floor
My wife, and my job
My kids, and my car
My feet on my table
And a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough
To keep a man like me interested
Oh no, no way, uh uhh
No, I gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's expense
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow
In the ultra-fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I'm an *******
(he's an *******, what an *******)
I'm an *******
(he's an *******, such an *******)

I use public toilets
And I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time sayin', "How about this heat?"

I'm an *******
(he's an *******, what an *******)
I'm an *******
(he's the worlds biggest *******)

Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
Make handicapped faces

I'm an *******
(he's an *******, what an *******)
I'm an *******
(he's a real ****ing *******)

Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...
...
NAAAHHHHH!

I'm an *******
(he's an *******, what an *******)
I'm an *******
(he's the world's biggest *******)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadilac El Dorado Convertable
Hot pink!
With whale skin hub caps
An all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights
YEAH!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby
At 115 miles per hour
Getting one mile per gallon
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those grease-ball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a Goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why?
'Cause we got the bombs, that's why!
Two words: Nuclear ****in' Weapons
Okay!?
Russia, Germany, Romania
They can have all the Democracy they want
They can have a big Democracy cake walk
Right through the middle of Tienemen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we got the bombs
Okay!?
John Wayne's not dead
He's frozen!
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer We're gonna thaw out "The Duke"
And he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why?
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well, multiply that by 15 million times
That's how pissed off "The Duke"'s gonna be
I'm gonna get "The Duke"
And John Cassavetes
And Lee Marvin
And Sam Peckinpah
And a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas
And-
(Hey, Hey! You know you really are an *******)
Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song, pal?
You know, the whole time I thought I was that *******
And it turns out it was him
What an *******!

I'm an *******
(he's an *******, what an *******)
I'm an *******
(he's the worlds biggest *******)

A - SS - HO - LE!
Everybody!!
A - SS - HO - LE!

*dog barking noises*

I'm an ******* and proud of it!

VS.

[Chorus]
The way you shake it, I can't believe it
I ain't never seen an *** like that
The way you move it, you make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doing

I don't believe it, it's almost too good to be true
I ain't never seen an *** like that
The way you move it, you make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doing

The way she moves she's like a belly dancer
She's shaking that *** to the new Nelly jams, I
Think someones at the door
But I don't think I'm gonna answer
Police saying freeze
Doing, doing, doing
What do you mean freeze?
Please, I'm a human being, I have needs
I'm not done, not till I'm finish peeing
I am not resisting arrest, I am agreeing Mr. Officer
I'm already on my knees
I can't get on the ground any further, it's impossible for me
And do not treat me like a murderer, I just like to pee, pee, pee
Yes, I make r&b, I sing song it go
Ring-a-chong, a-ching-chong-chong-chong-ching
Psych, I joke, I joke, I kidd, I kidd
If I offend I'm sorry, please, please forgive
For I am Triumph, the puppet dog, I am a mere puppet
I can get away with anything I sing, you will love it

[Chorus]

Jessica Simpson, looks oh so temptin'
Nick I ain't never seen an *** like that
Everytime I see that show on MTV my pee pee goes
Doing, doing, doing

Mary-Kate and Ashley used to be so wholesome
Now they're getting older, they're starting to grow bum bums
I go to the movies and sit down with my pop corn
Police saying freeze
Doing doing doing
What do you mean freeze?
Geez, I just got my seat
I have ticket, look I put away, my zipper’s zipped
Please do not remove me from this movie theater please
I did not even get to see Mary-Kate shower scene
I didn't mean to be obscene or make a great big scene
And don't treat me like I'm pee wee herman, this movies PG
Mr. Officer, I demand to see my attorney
I will simply plead innocent, cop a plea and be free
Free, yes, free, right back on the streets
What you mean my lawyer's with Michael, he's too busy?
I am Triumph, Britney Spears has shoulders like a man
And I can say that and you'll laugh cuz that is a puppet on my hand

[Chorus]

Hilary Duff is not quite old enough so
I ain't never seen a butt like that
Maybe next year I'll say *** and she'll make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doing

The way she moves she dances like a go-go
In that video she sings get out you bozo
I need a new boyfriend, hi my name is JoJo
Police saying freeze
Doing, doing, doing
What do you mean freeze?
My computers would be seized and my keys to my ranch
I just baked cookies Mr. Officer, looky, take a whiff of these
Here, I make Jesus juice, take a sip of this
Nobody is safe from me, no not even me
I don't even know if I can say the word pee pee, pee
On the radio, but I think I did
Janet, is that a breast, I think I just saw a tit
Psych, I joke, I joke, I kidd, I kidd
I don't think my joke is working, I must flee quick
Get to the chopper, everybody get out
I am not Triumph, I am Arnold, get down

[Chorus]

So Gwen Stefani, will you pee pee on me please?
I ain't never seen an *** like that
Cuz the way you move it, you make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doing

**** is wrong with you? (ha!)

kthx.

[Phieta]

Not having listened to the songs and judging only by the lyrics, "*******" gets my vote.

[Raktor]

I have to agree with

Hilary Duff is not quite old enough so
I ain't never seen a butt like that
Maybe next year I'll say *** and she'll make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doing

though

[Ferret Overlord]

I hate rap and most hip-hop, and seeing that much vulgarity sickens me. Friggin Eminem sucks

[Jake]

i have heard *** likethat... it sucks

[Darkness]

Neither of them get my vote.

I hate rap and most hip-hop, and seeing that much vulgarity sickens me. Friggin Eminem sucks

[©allum]

Comedy > Everything else

[Aaron]

+1 to Callum

[Spikeout]

Gunther gets my vote