Sign In
Register
Help
This topic is locked
Version from the "Jokes" section of CurvedSpace:
How To Clean A Cat a real cat - two versions
#16
Phieta 
- Not impressed, darling.
-
- Group: Super Moderator
- Posts: 6,877
- Joined: 14-January 03
Posted 18 August 2003 - 05:56 AM
| QUOTE |
| 1. Throughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape. CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ''powerwash and rinse'' which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone to open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself. Sincerely, the Dog |
Those who will remember, will speak fondly of the warm morning breeze.
MultiQuote
#18
Phieta
- Not impressed, darling.
-
- Group: Super Moderator
- Posts: 6,877
- Joined: 14-January 03
Posted 19 August 2003 - 04:54 AM
| QUOTE (cjjones @ Aug 18 2003, 10:49 PM) |
| Phieta, that's the version i read elsewhere, but i had to write it from memory explaining why it's slightly differnet. i didn't mean to plagurise, but jokes are basically untrackable anyways. |
I wasn't blaming you for plagarism (one of the words I can't spell, lol)... as you said, it's almost impossible to prove the author of most jokes and such.
EDIT: That song in your sig is friggin' hilarious. Thank you SO much.
This post has been edited by Phieta: 19 August 2003 - 04:58 AM
Those who will remember, will speak fondly of the warm morning breeze.
#19
cjjones
- WoW > j00
-
- Group: New Member
- Posts: 1,338
- Joined: 26-May 03
Posted 19 August 2003 - 05:02 AM
yeah i know you weren't blaming me for plagarism (seems better spelt than my 'plagurise'), i was just saying. and i have only looked at the pictures in cspace jokes - i particularly like this one:
teehee
teehee
#21
EmeraldGigas
- A.K.A.: Ryokill, the Gardenless SeeD
-
- Group: New Member
- Posts: 63
- Joined: 29-July 03
Posted 21 August 2003 - 01:27 AM
I already saw that picture of a cat carrier... the only thing is that I just can't remember where, oh yeah, I saw a guy try that for real... poor cat.
#23
cjjones
- WoW > j00
-
- Group: New Member
- Posts: 1,338
- Joined: 26-May 03
Posted 22 August 2003 - 04:24 AM
Moaning Moggie:
DAY 752 - My captors continue to torment me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining a piece of their furniture. I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow, I may eat another.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors byweaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppresors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair....must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep-depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was....hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for water torture. This time it included a burning foamy chemical called 'shampoo'. What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary thoughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call 'beer'. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of 'allergies'. Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole-speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
DAY 752 - My captors continue to torment me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining a piece of their furniture. I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow, I may eat another.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors byweaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppresors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair....must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep-depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was....hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for water torture. This time it included a burning foamy chemical called 'shampoo'. What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary thoughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call 'beer'. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of 'allergies'. Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole-speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
#26
amazonqueen
- Advanced Member
-
- Group: New Member
- Posts: 981
- Joined: 14-June 03
Posted 29 August 2003 - 05:25 AM
lol!!!!!!! that sooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!
#27
Serenarocks
- ^Prof.'s Favorite Passtime^
-
- Group: New Member
- Posts: 1,117
- Joined: 13-June 03
Posted 02 September 2003 - 05:51 PM
ok here we go:
1. i loved the fist story! its so funny! my cat (Pixie) washes herself 15 times a day, but she has arthritis so she cant reach to her bum. we have to clean that for her:P
2.the second story was not as funny at all, i would never do that to Pixie.
3.I hated the cat carrier, thats sooooooooooo cruel! you wouldnt want a screw the size of your leg shoved into your butt! none the less being carried around by it!
4. the cat diaries are hilarious! i coulnt stop laughing!!! i wonder how my love smothered pixie princess feels...never mind. i think she does love me though, the tummy rubs at least
1. i loved the fist story! its so funny! my cat (Pixie) washes herself 15 times a day, but she has arthritis so she cant reach to her bum. we have to clean that for her:P
2.the second story was not as funny at all, i would never do that to Pixie.
3.I hated the cat carrier, thats sooooooooooo cruel! you wouldnt want a screw the size of your leg shoved into your butt! none the less being carried around by it!
4. the cat diaries are hilarious! i coulnt stop laughing!!! i wonder how my love smothered pixie princess feels...never mind. i think she does love me though, the tummy rubs at least
Fremennik name: Rakrak
Doesnt everyone agree that i look better as a... Combat Lvl 78?! omfg, It's GROWING!!!
"You try and feed the rock, Your rock doesn't seem hungry."
"You stroke your rock, Your rock seems much happier."
"Who's a good rock then? Yes, you are...You're such a good rock...Ooga Booga Googa."
Doesnt everyone agree that i look better as a... Combat Lvl 78?! omfg, It's GROWING!!!
"You try and feed the rock, Your rock doesn't seem hungry."
"You stroke your rock, Your rock seems much happier."
"Who's a good rock then? Yes, you are...You're such a good rock...Ooga Booga Googa."
#28
©allum
- Senior Member
-
- Group: Member
- Posts: 7,194
- Joined: 21-July 03
Posted 05 September 2003 - 08:45 PM
| QUOTE (pixie grrl @ Sep 2 2003, 05:51 PM) |
| ok here we go: 1. i loved the fist story! its so funny! my cat (Pixie) washes herself 15 times a day, but she has arthritis so she cant reach to her bum. we have to clean that for her:P 2.the second story was not as funny at all, i would never do that to Pixie. 3.I hated the cat carrier, thats sooooooooooo cruel! you wouldnt want a screw the size of your leg shoved into your butt! none the less being carried around by it! 4. the cat diaries are hilarious! i coulnt stop laughing!!! i wonder how my love smothered pixie princess feels...never mind. i think she does love me though, the tummy rubs at least |
Ok, here we go:
THEY ARE JOKES!!!!!!! noone really flushes their cat down the toilet to clean it! Do you have a sense of humour???
#29
cjjones
- WoW > j00
-
- Group: New Member
- Posts: 1,338
- Joined: 26-May 03
Posted 05 September 2003 - 10:10 PM
| QUOTE (Leftyy @ Sep 5 2003, 08:45 PM) |
| Ok, here we go: THEY ARE JOKES!!!!!!! noone really flushes their cat down the toilet to clean it! Do you have a sense of humour??? |
Here, here. Or is it hear, hear. *makes sounds of agreement*
#30
Serenarocks
- ^Prof.'s Favorite Passtime^
-
- Group: New Member
- Posts: 1,117
- Joined: 13-June 03
Posted 06 September 2003 - 05:40 PM
well you guys have a cruel sense of humor. (i do love the diaries)
Fremennik name: Rakrak
Doesnt everyone agree that i look better as a... Combat Lvl 78?! omfg, It's GROWING!!!
"You try and feed the rock, Your rock doesn't seem hungry."
"You stroke your rock, Your rock seems much happier."
"Who's a good rock then? Yes, you are...You're such a good rock...Ooga Booga Googa."
Doesnt everyone agree that i look better as a... Combat Lvl 78?! omfg, It's GROWING!!!
"You try and feed the rock, Your rock doesn't seem hungry."
"You stroke your rock, Your rock seems much happier."
"Who's a good rock then? Yes, you are...You're such a good rock...Ooga Booga Googa."