[Spikeout]

whats peanut butter without peanut butter jelly time?

[Bobette]

Bobette asked me for the specific statistics on Peanut Butter (and Jelly also), and as I have a doctorate in PB and J (Also known as Plausible Beliefs and Judgementalism) I believe that I am more than over-qualified to vouch for the accuracy of her statements.

Thank you, Dr. Rat.

And CSpace, I think it's sad that some think that peanut butter is the only food that can go with jelly. Be creative!
As for me, I prefer my grape jelly on a lightly buttered English muffin.

[©allum]

Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves!
Peanut butter, since it's discovery in 1908 B.C., has been destroying lives and tearing families apart! In the U.S. an average of $180,000 yearly, per household, is spent on peanut butter alone, (not to mention jelly, with it's sky-rocketing prices)! Because of peanut butter, millions of infants and children have been sold into slavery for a mere one jar a child, and the ones who manage not to be sold and who would otherwise be leaving for college next year are stuck at home after their college funds are wasted on (what else?) peanut butter. Nursing homes are frequently raided and organs are harvested for sale on the black market, two kidneys and a lung being equal to 1/2 jar.
The FDA may have approved the sale of peanut butter, but they do not regulate what is printed on it's labels. The dangers and side-effects of ingesting peanut butter are kept quiet by companies like Unilever (makers of Skippy brand peanut butter) and the J.M. Smucker company (makers of Jif brand peanut butter). Companies such as these mention on their product labels that peanut butter is an "excellent source of protein", but do they mention the risk of developing Appendicitis, Toe Cancer, development of a fourth set of molars (Exceptionally Knowledgeable Teeth, or EKT), and the risk of growing a third arm during infancy? I didn't think so. By 2008, it has been predicted that 1 out of 10 infants will be born with large, peanut-butter-filled cysts on their brains, and later 3 out of every 5 will develope a third arm somewhere in their abdominal region. These cyst can easily (and more often than not) become cancerous, and put the infant's life at risk.

Do you really want that on your conscience?

Not to be a nag, but exactly where are you coming up with these kinds of figures and statements. I would like to see some evidence cited that proves that infants are being sold into slavery for a jar of peanut butter.

Oh my.

[Ratty]

Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves!
Peanut butter, since it's discovery in 1908 B.C., has been destroying lives and tearing families apart! In the U.S. an average of $180,000 yearly, per household, is spent on peanut butter alone, (not to mention jelly, with it's sky-rocketing prices)! Because of peanut butter, millions of infants and children have been sold into slavery for a mere one jar a child, and the ones who manage not to be sold and who would otherwise be leaving for college next year are stuck at home after their college funds are wasted on (what else?) peanut butter. Nursing homes are frequently raided and organs are harvested for sale on the black market, two kidneys and a lung being equal to 1/2 jar.
The FDA may have approved the sale of peanut butter, but they do not regulate what is printed on it's labels. The dangers and side-effects of ingesting peanut butter are kept quiet by companies like Unilever (makers of Skippy brand peanut butter) and the J.M. Smucker company (makers of Jif brand peanut butter). Companies such as these mention on their product labels that peanut butter is an "excellent source of protein", but do they mention the risk of developing Appendicitis, Toe Cancer, development of a fourth set of molars (Exceptionally Knowledgeable Teeth, or EKT), and the risk of growing a third arm during infancy? I didn't think so. By 2008, it has been predicted that 1 out of 10 infants will be born with large, peanut-butter-filled cysts on their brains, and later 3 out of every 5 will develope a third arm somewhere in their abdominal region. These cyst can easily (and more often than not) become cancerous, and put the infant's life at risk.

Do you really want that on your conscience?

Not to be a nag, but exactly where are you coming up with these kinds of figures and statements. I would like to see some evidence cited that proves that infants are being sold into slavery for a jar of peanut butter.

Oh my.

(Reckon he was joking? I mean, there was -much- weirder things he could've asked questions about. )

[Atilla]

Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves!
Peanut butter, since it's discovery in 1908 B.C., has been destroying lives and tearing families apart! In the U.S. an average of $180,000 yearly, per household, is spent on peanut butter alone, (not to mention jelly, with it's sky-rocketing prices)! Because of peanut butter, millions of infants and children have been sold into slavery for a mere one jar a child, and the ones who manage not to be sold and who would otherwise be leaving for college next year are stuck at home after their college funds are wasted on (what else?) peanut butter. Nursing homes are frequently raided and organs are harvested for sale on the black market, two kidneys and a lung being equal to 1/2 jar.
The FDA may have approved the sale of peanut butter, but they do not regulate what is printed on it's labels. The dangers and side-effects of ingesting peanut butter are kept quiet by companies like Unilever (makers of Skippy brand peanut butter) and the J.M. Smucker company (makers of Jif brand peanut butter). Companies such as these mention on their product labels that peanut butter is an "excellent source of protein", but do they mention the risk of developing Appendicitis, Toe Cancer, development of a fourth set of molars (Exceptionally Knowledgeable Teeth, or EKT), and the risk of growing a third arm during infancy? I didn't think so. By 2008, it has been predicted that 1 out of 10 infants will be born with large, peanut-butter-filled cysts on their brains, and later 3 out of every 5 will develope a third arm somewhere in their abdominal region. These cyst can easily (and more often than not) become cancerous, and put the infant's life at risk.

Do you really want that on your conscience?

Not to be a nag, but exactly where are you coming up with these kinds of figures and statements. I would like to see some evidence cited that proves that infants are being sold into slavery for a jar of peanut butter.

Oh my.

(Reckon he was joking? I mean, there was -much- weirder things he could've asked questions about. )

He wasn't joking; you should read some of his other posts. He misses a lot of sarcasm.

[Spikeout]

carver didnt invent the peanut butter

[Zziggywolf5]

Bobette, your data is severely flawed and incorrect.
Peanut butter in its earliest form was could be tainted by fungus, which did cause birth defects (certainly not extra limbs), but that was ended in 1875. Ironically, this made peanut butter one of the safest foods for decades.
The Peanut Butter Black Market began in 1969 and lasted until 1978, when the United States Congress banned peanut butter. People were not sold into slavery or used in organ selling. This rumor was started in 1970 by People Against Peanut Butter (PAPB) to make peanut butter eaters seem psychotic, disgusting, and evil. Those supposed diseases and problems you mentioned are also products of the PAPB. Indeed, "Exceptionally Knowledgeable Teeth" does not even exist.
I have a graph here...

As you can see, peanut butter consumption actually has helped society world wide. Medicine advancements have followed peanut butter closely since records have been kept. Indeed, look at the 1970 decade statistics!

Sources: Google, Peanut Butter Research Institute

[Rohtaren]

skippy shouldn't waste its production money on smooth, chunky is waaay better.

[Zziggywolf5]

Clearly, my accurate data and post has despelled the lies and rumors and you all agree about the value and place of peanut butter in civilization.

[Cspace]

Yes, but your graph stops at the year 2000. Statistics can be engineered to work in anyone's favor.

What your graph does not show is peanut butter's effect on reality television, and reality television's effect on peanut butter. For an unknown reason, the two entities are psychologically connected and result in an increase of the other's popularity. Clearly reality television has grown since 2000, and everyone's intelligence has dropped at the same rate. On the other hand, peanut butter's consumption has increased vastly during this time, and so has the number of peanut butter-related car accidents.

So more peanut butter means more reality television.

More reality television means more peanut butter.

More peanut butter means more car accidents.

More reality television means that everyone becomes less intelligent.



What say you now?

[Trifang]

Yes, but your graph stops at the year 2000. Statistics can be engineered to work in anyone's favor.

What your graph does not show is peanut butter's effect on reality television, and reality television's effect on peanut butter. For an unknown reason, the two entities are psychologically connected and result in an increase of the other's popularity. Clearly reality television has grown since 2000, and everyone's intelligence has dropped at the same rate. On the other hand, peanut butter's consumption has increased vastly during this time, and so has the number of peanut butter-related car accidents.

So more peanut butter means more reality television.

More reality television means more peanut butter.

More peanut butter means more car accidents.

More reality television means that everyone becomes less intelligent.



What say you now?

i say my brain hurts and peanut butter tastes good

[Zziggywolf5]

Okay, I have several points regarding your latest post, Cspace.
First of all, the graph goes decade by decade. That's why it ends at 2000; that's the latest full decade with a zero at the end.

Next, peanut butter-related car accidents are often because of two new trends. People have taken to eating peanut butter right out of the jar with a spoon. This is a human's fault, not peanut butter's. Others have caused accidents by reaching for their peanut butter sandwich in the backseat. This again is not a fault of peanut butter.

Peanut butter is a staple food product. Children collectively eat thousands of peanut butter and peanut butter & jelly sandwiches a day. Peanut butter is also a major part of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, which can be as much as three-fifths of a CurvedSpace citizen's diet.

[Cspace]

Then there are two solutions:

1) Ban peanut butter. This will also result in everyone becoming more intelligent due to its link to reality tv.

2) Spend tax money on mandatory classes to educate the public on the dangers of peanut butter.

[Zziggywolf5]

Then there are two solutions:

1) Ban peanut butter. This will also result in everyone becoming more intelligent due to its link to reality tv.

2) Spend tax money on mandatory classes to educate the public on the dangers of peanut butter.

Solutions? Solutions to what?

Peanut butter does not cause people to watch reality television. The link between reality television and peanut butter is that peanut butter is often used in sandwiches, which is a good food for when you are doing tasks such as watching television like reality television. Not a very direct link, is it?

[Ratty]

Peanut butter does not cause people to watch reality television. The link between reality television and peanut butter is that peanut butter is often used in sandwiches, which is a good food for when you are doing tasks such as watching television like reality television. Not a very direct link, is it?

Of course it is. It has been proven that peanut butter stimulates the fifth quarter of your brain, the one under the third, that focuses on observation of others (perhaps even to the point of voyeurism). This can be seen in how monkeys like to eat peanuts.

Monkey see, monkey do. No?




Here's another direct link: