[Nazē.]

I'm surprised they didn't have anything about them being lovers in there. ._o

[Darkness]

Maybe they did and I ended it just before they said it


SIRIUS: I know I’m kinda scruffy and scary and all but, you know, I am your godfather and if you ever wanted to come live with me instead of your {expletive hax0rd by Cspace} relatives…

HARRY: Come. And live. With you?

SIRIUS: I know, I know… forget I said anything.

HARRY: The word I am trying to think of here is OH GOD YES PLEASE NOW.

A FULL MOON: *rises*

HERMIONE: Oh, {expletive hax0rd by Cspace}.

SIRIUS: Remus! This is not you! This is not your heart! I’LL MAKE OUT WITH YOU IF I HAVE TO!

LUPIN: *turns into Lupinwolf*

SIRIUS: Awwww, {expletive hax0rd by Cspace}, Remus… *turns into Siriusdog*

PETTIGREW: *turns back into Scabbers and scampers for the hills*

SNAPE: *emerges to protect the kids, conveniently without ever having seen Pettigrew*

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU, SIRIUSDOG!

SIRIUSDOG: *whimpers*

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU TOO, HARRY POTTER!

[Nazē.]

"A FULL MOON: *rises*" Haha. XD

[Darkness]

HARRY: You can’t let them take Sirius back to have his face sucked off! He didn’t kill my parents, Peter Pettigrew did!

DUMBLEDORE: …

HARRY: And then he turned into a rat and lived with Ron’s family for twelve years and turned back into Peter and then turned back into a rat and conveniently ran away so that no one can prove or disprove our story!

DUMBLEDORE: …

HERMIONE: You’ve got to believe us!

DUMBLEDORE [leaving]: Three turns, Miss Granger.

HARRY: Eh?

HERMIONE: He means the Time-Turner I’ve been wearing all year to turn back time and take extra classes.

RON [from hospital bed]: I KNEW IT!

HERMIONE: *pulls out a tiny hourglass on a five-foot chain conveniently long enough to go around two people*

HARRY: Does it have a flux capacitor?

HERMIONE: Shut up and let me chain you.

HARRY/HERMIONE SHIPPERS: YAY!

HARRY AND HERMIONE: *disappear*

THE REALLY CONFUSING PART OF THE MOVIE: *begins*

[Nazē.]

HERMIONE: Uh, Harry? I'm pretty sure you and Sirius are about to die here.

HARRY: Oh, goddammit--EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: *prances stagfully*


Tee hee!

[Darkness]

HAGRID: Oh, by the way, Ron, I found your plot point. Looks like Hermione’s cat didn’t eat him after all.

HARRY: Why are we not leaving? LEAVE, DAMN US!

HERMIONE: *throws stones*

A STONE: CRASH!

ANOTHER STONE: THUNK!

HARRY: Ow! What the hell was that?

HARRY: OW! THAT WAS MY SKULL, HOR!

HERMIONE: Come on, Buckbeak! Tasty ferrets! Yes! Into the woods! Hurry, before we find ourselves!

[Nazē.]

XD

[Darkness]

SIRIUS: Remus! This is not you! This is not your heart! I’LL MAKE OUT WITH YOU IF I HAVE TO!

HERMIONE: You know, I think that counts as a marriage ceremony in Massachusetts now.

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU, SIRIUSDOG!

SIRIUSDOG: *whimpers*

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU TOO, HARRY POTTER!

HARRY: AHHHH!

HERMIONE: AROOOOOOOO!

HARRY: Oh, wow, so that was you?

HERMIONE: Apparently.

LUPINWOLF: *comes for Non-Italicized Harry and Hermione*

HERMIONE: Didn’t think this through! Didn’t think this through!

[Nazē.]

Ah, there's the inevitable lovers part.

[Darkness]

That was quoted when it was actually happening a while ago


HARRY AND HERMIONE: *run like hell*

LUPINWOLF: *almost eats them*

BUCKBEAK: *delivers a four-hoof beatdown*

HARRY [grimacing]: Yow, right in the chocolate.

[Nazē.]

XD Oh dear.

[Darkness]

HARRY: Well, basically we’re right back where we started, which sucks.

LUPIN: Except for the part where you saved the lives of an innocent convict and an innocent Malfoy-mashing hippogriff.

HARRY: Yeah, but I still have no broom, no teacher, no godfather, and no parents.

LUPIN: Here, have some chocolate.

[Nazē.]

Mmm.

[Darkness]

HARRY: OMG A FIREBOLT! THIS BROOM IS SO AWESOME IT ALMOST MAKES UP FOR HAVING NO TEACHER, NO GODFATHER, AND NO PARENTS!

HERMIONE: Look what was attached to the broom, Harry!

HARRY: Oh, wow! A feather from that hippogriff, whose escape we know NOTHING ABOUT.

HERMIONE: Yes! And according to my book here, a hippogriff feather means “Greetings from an escaped convict”!

HARRY: Yay!

RON: And I hear they're actually going to let us play Quidditch in the next movie, too!

HARRY: WOOT!

PEOPLE WHO READ GOBLET OF FIRE: *facepalm*

Harry zooms off on his new broom with the movie ending on a close-up of his artfully blurred face, perhaps to suggest in the language of cinematic metaphor that this time he is rendered blurry with happiness.

Or that the camera guy can't hold the lens still. Something.

[Nazē.]

*Facepalm* XD