[Snowy]

A few months ago, my English teacher was 'encouraging' me to send in a few of my short stories that I had turned into her class. She gave me a website, Teen Ink, and after checking it out I said to myself, "Hell no." Why would I ever publish my work, my baby, on some site that puts up everything that's sent in? After telling this to my teacher, she said it wasn't about fame or recognition, it was about me getting used to the idea of getting my writing out there, and dealing with criticism. So, to placate her more than anything, I submitted several short stories, and so far only one of which was published. I was pretty shocked to see that it was this one, considering that I wrote it awhile back, in the space of twenty minutes, more for entertainment purposes than anything else. To be honest, this is probably my least favorite short story I have written, but after reading some of the other stuff on Teen Ink, it seems a little bit better. So, heres the link if you'd like to check it out.

Disillusionment

Oh and I used snowyman000 as the name for the author, because I only put my name on school work.

[Pendragon205]

I don't know how I liked it.
Don't take that the wrong way, it's such an awful way to begin a critique, but it's the truth and I figured my litotes would the best way to respond to your own.

Also, no offense, I didn't much like the beginning, as in where a definition served as the attention getter. I don't know, I kinda just skip over that when people use it, but that's just me. It wasn't bad, I'm just stating my opinion.

Anyway, as I was saying, I'm not sure how I feel about it. The two parts of the whole that matter the most to me were very different, causing my complication in judgement. The topic being one, and the actual writing, the rhetoric, being the second.

The topic was what I didn't like; not only do I feel this genre is slightly overdone, but I don't like to read depressing things such as this. Every once in a while, sure, but no big deal all in all.

Now, onto the good stuff

The writing style was, in my opinion, pretty good! I enjoyed the suspense being built, mostly due to how the topic was subtly brought up. Well done! Maybe a variance in sentance structure would have advanced the style: a few more complex structures, a dash or two, etc. However, I did ultimately enjoy it.


So, what's my overall judgement? As I said, I don't know. I can't pin this with a grade because it doesn't really need one, but I can say that if this was an old work, I'm excited to read some newer ones.

[Snowy]

Thanks man! Oh, I also forgot to mention that I didn't take this piece seriously at all. I think what brought it to mind was something my friend said about how he doesn't really mind his parents splitting up, he's just sick of people thinking he's not okay because of it. To be honest, the whole 'spoils of war' thing is what he calls his 360, computer, and iPod. He couldn't be happier either. So just thought that I'd mention it. That's why it's in fiction

And I agree, way too overplayed >__> Boo hoo my parents are breaking up

[Pendragon205]

Thanks man! Oh, I also forgot to mention that I didn't take this piece seriously at all. I think what brought it to mind was something my friend said about how he doesn't really mind his parents splitting up, he's just sick of people thinking he's not okay because of it. To be honest, the whole 'spoils of war' thing is what he calls his 360, computer, and iPod. He couldn't be happier either. So just thought that I'd mention it. That's why it's in fiction

And I agree, way too overplayed >__> Boo hoo my parents are breaking up

And of course I would feel remorse or sorrow if that happened to ANYBODY, but you know what I meant.

Anyway, no problem!

[Snowy]

*bump*