[Raktor]

Dear Santa.

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like my mummy and daddy to get back together.

Love, Teddy.

Dear Teddy,

What, like your dad's gunna quit banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane? Tell your mom to lose some weight, and I'll talk to your daddy.

Lemme give you some nice lego in the mean time, and see if you can build a family with those.

Santa.





Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

You're friend, Thomas.

Dear Thomas,

All toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing money on the craps table.

Then one ****ty day a year, I send toys to all you little ****ers!

Santa.




Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

You're best friend, Timmy.

Dear Timmy,

That whiney begging cr*p may work with your folks, but that sh*t doesn't fly up here.

I'm sending you a King Cobra instead. He likes it when you pat his head.

Santa.





Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.

Yer frend,
Billy.

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on a way to a career in trash disposal. How about I send you a f*cking dictionary so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least he can spell!

Santa.

P.S Tell your mother to call you Rain Man.





Dear Santa.

I want a new bike, Playstation, a train, some G.I Joes, a dog, drum kit, pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis.

Dear Francis.

I'll tell you what, I'll send you a round trip ticket to the North Pole so I can kick some sense into your f*cking head.

Who names their kid "Francis" anyway?

I bet you're gay. I'll send you the Village People album instead.

Santa.





Dear Santa,

We don't have a chimney at our house, so how do you get in?

Your mate,
Marky.

Dear Marky,

First of all, stop calling yourself "Marky". That's why you're getting your *** whipped at school. Second of all, you don't live in a house. You live in a low-rent apartment complex in Mt. Druitt. I can get inside your sh*thole like all of the crims do. I'll mail your mom some crack the week before Christmas, and she'll leave me a key. I'm sending you food stamps for xmas.

Santa





Dear Santa,

I've been a good girl all year, and all I ask is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,
Sarah.

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa.





Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and some carrots outside the backdoor for your reindeer.

Love,
Susan.

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the sh*ts, and carrots make the deer fart in my face.

You want to be nice to Santa? Leave me a bottle of Johnny Walker and some toblarone, and tell your Mom to wait up.

Santa.

This post has been edited by Bigbro69: 21 November 2003 - 08:52 PM

[Raktor]

Lol, nice one

[cjjones]

hehe, those are pretty funny.

[rabk]

Actually, they're pretty tasteless and puerile...

[Goto]

They're a little funny, but I also have to agree with rabk. I remember some good santa letters I read a little while ago, i'll look for the url.

EDIT: Here it is, Letters to Satan

Oh and check out The Spark.com in general, theres some very funny stuff there. A lot of online quizzes, a few more articles, these projects they do (including the StinkyMeat project, lol) and even a sparknotes section made for students to find answers quickly.

This post has been edited by Gotenksjr3: 23 November 2003 - 11:26 AM