[x..]

Hey Mr. Sandberg, thanks for coming to your performance review.
No problem.
So you're in charge around here, is that fair to say?
Absolutely, I'm the boss.
Okay, so take us through a day in the life of, "The Boss".
Well the first thing I do is --

Talk to corporate (like a boss)
Approve memos (like a boss)
Lead a workshop (like a boss)
Remember birthdays (like a boss)
Direct work-flow (like a boss)
My own bathroom (like a boss)
Micro-manage (like a boss)
Promote synergy (like a boss)

Hit on Deborah (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Swallow sadness (like a boss)
Send some faxes (like a boss)
Call a sex line (like a boss)
Cry deeply (like a boss)
Demand a refund (like a boss)
Eat a bagel (like a boss)

Harassment Lawsuit (like a boss)
No Promotion (like a boss)
5th of vodka (like a boss)
{expletive hax0rd by Cspace} on Deborah's desk (like a boss)
Buy a gun (like a boss)
In my mouth (like a boss)
Oh {expletive ninja'd by Cspace} man, I can't {expletive ninja'd by Cspace}ing do it, {expletive hax0rd by Cspace}!

Pussy out (like a boss)
Puke on Deborah's desk (like a boss)
Jump out the window (like a boss)
Suck a dude's dick (like a boss)
Score some coke (like a boss)
Crash my car (like a boss)
Suck my own dick (like a boss)
Eat some chicken strips (like a boss)

Chop my balls off (like a boss)
Black out in the sewer (like a boss)
Meet a giant fish (like a boss)
{expletive ninja'd by Cspace} his brains out (like a boss)
Turn into a jet (like a boss)
Bomb the Russians (like a boss)
Crash into the Sun (like a boss)
Now I'm dead (like a boss)

Uh huh. So that's an... average day for you then?
No doubt.
You chop your balls off and die.
Hell yeah.
And I think at one point there you said
something about sucking your own dick?
Nope.
Actually, I'm pretty sure you did.
Nah, that ain't me.
OK, well this has been eye-opening for me.
I'm the boss.
Yes, I know, I got that.
You said it about 400 times.
I'm the boss.
Yes...I got it.
I'm the boss.
No, I heard you, see you later!

[Yevgeny Borisovitch Volgin]