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A Cowboy's Guide To Life

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- Don't name a pig you plan to eat.

- Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

- Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

- Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

- Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.

- A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

- Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled

- Meanness don't happen overnight.

- Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

- Don't sell your mule to buy a plough.

- Don't corner something meaner than you.

- It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

- You can't unsay a cruel thing.

- Every path has some puddles.

- When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

- The best sermons are lived, not preached.

- Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

- Don't squat with your spurs on.

- Don't judge people by their relatives.

- Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

- Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time

- Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.

- Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

- It's better to be a has-been than a never-was.

- The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

- If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

- If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.

- It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

- Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.

- The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

- If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

- Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

- Only cows know why they stampede.

- Always drink upstream from the herd.

- If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.

- Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

- Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

- You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'till they get thumped.

- Never miss a good chance to shut up