It would seem as though I have a great deal of explaining to do...
1.  Scavanger hunts are easy.  Here was the list: Rune Ess, Bones, Big Bones, Skull, Ashes, Bronze Pick, any Dye, Priest Rop Top, and any Talisman.  I had rune ess, a skull (???), a priest robe top, and about 7 extra body tals in my bank already.  I hopped onto a member world and teleported to ardougne where I bought a bronze pick and found the purple dye respawn.  I quickly teleported back to varrok and switch beck to the f2p server we were on.  From there I went north and killed an imp and took its ashes.  People were at north gate and guard bones were plentiful.  I ventured further into the wilderness north of varrok where I encountered a giant.  After slaying him and taking the big bones and a beer, I quickly teled to fally and walk to sarim.  I didn't read well, and later found out we were to meet in draynor and get hit by a tree.  I won. 

2. After checking the Shantay Pass, Lumby Swamp, Lumberyard, and the Ice mountain, I remembered that Viet has a thing for cows...  Needless to say, I found him wandering around the cow fields northwest of lumby.
3. I had a head start on everyone else when getting to the lava maze.  There I was attacked from outside the maze by a group of lvl 70 mages.  They chased me around the perimeter (though were not capable of event hitting me at that point).  They got ambushed and pwn3d by some level 90+ guys.  I laughed and then I had to log.  My evil dad made me install some electrical sockets...  I would have won, too. 

4. If Eqlius honestly thought that the Kalphite targeted female rangers and hit them harder than anyone else, I can have a lot of fun now that I know she believes everything anyone says.  There's a girl like that on my bus.  I once tricked her into thinking tomorrow was "wear your underwear on the outside day." That was funny, but untrue.  
5. Sorry about the Kalphite, but you really have to be quick to get to the dungeon or you die of dehydration...  It dropped 19 bloods for us the first time (Sajones got it...), and I teled before the second died (had to go 

). It was fun though.