[Zoo]

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid

Best viewed with *lots* of free time

[SlainThrax-]

I work at an ISP in the United Kingdom. The most shocking call I received came from a student at a local college here. He had received a CD for an ISP from an American friend.


Customer: "Hi there. I got this CD from an American, and he says that his ISP is better than mine because the calls are free. So can I install it?"
Me: "Yes sir, that's your choice completely. But is this an American ISP? Because if so, I don't think it will work with your computer."
Customer: "Listen, I happen to be a computer student. I know exactly what I'm doing, so don't insult my intelligence!" (click)
Ten minutes later, he called back, humbled.


Customer: "My computer exploded."
Me: "What!? How did that happen?"
Customer: "Well, the CD didn't work. I couldn't get through to the ISP. So, I changed the computer to American power."
He'd changed the voltage switch while the computer was on, causing the power supply to explode.

Back when I was in high school, I was in my first programming class. I had downloaded a DOS program. It presents a fake C:\> prompt and prints mildly rude messages instead of executing commands. After showing it to a few classmates, I ran it on the teacher's computer when he wasn't looking. After a few messages, he figured it out. Someone said, "Heh-heh, he did it," and revealed the culprit to be me. Fine.

This particular program, after being rude for about a screen or so, starts getting apologetic, and finally ends with "Wait! Please don't turn me off! Noooooooooooo!" and gives you the real DOS prompt. Right when that message printed, the screen started wavering and dimming. Then smoke began to pour out of the back of the monitor. The screen went completely dead and smoke and big nasty flames were pouring out of the back of the monitor. The teacher had to hit it with the fire extinguisher.

Luckily, he was smart enough to realize that this would be a very hard thing to do in software. It turned out the monitor was so dusty that the power supply had caught on fire. But for a moment I was terrified that I would be held responsible. It was a pretty amazing coincidence of timing.

ROFLMFAO!

[Zoo]

Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and said to a secretary, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, he took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

[Ratty]

I think the 'tech support' ones, those are great!

Tech Support: "Thank you for calling customer service, and how may I help you?"
Customer: "I can't get it to do."
Tech Support: "Excuse me, ma'am?"
Customer: "I can't get my Internet to do."
Tech Support: "Let's check your setup."
Customer: "Okey dokey."
Tech Support: "Are you at your desktop?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Do a double click on the 'My Computer' icon."
Customer: "I don't see that one."
Tech Support: "What screen are you on, and what does you desktop look like?"
Customer: "Wood."
Tech Support: "What's on your screen, ma'am?"
Customer: "A bunch of names."
Tech Support: "Like what?"
Customer: "Bill, George, Larry, Jim."
Tech Support: "What screen are you on?"
Customer: "I am on the one I'm on. I need to go get my daughter. She's the computer guru of the family."
Tech Support: "Great, thank you."
April: "Hi, I'm April, and you are?"
Tech Support: "Mike."
April: "Mike. Cool, dude."
Tech Support: "Are you at your desktop?"
April: "You will have to excuse my mother. She's a little dense."
Tech Support: "No problem."
April: "How old are you?"
Tech Support: "300 years old. I'm the 'Highlander.' Um, would you do a double click on the 'My Computer' icon?"
April: "Sorry, I don't see that one."
Tech Support: "What do you see?"
April: "Bill, George, Larry, and Jim."
Tech Support: "What version of Windows are you using?"
April: "Ninety-something I guess."
Tech Support: "Erm. Shut down the computer and reboot."
April: "Ok...." (pause) "Done."
Tech Support: "What does your screen say?
April: "Bill, Larry, Jim, Barbie, and Wimper."
Tech Support: "Just for kicks, do a double click on 'Bill,' and see what happens."
April: "What is this?"
Tech Support: "What did it do?"
April: "It now has little folders: modems, devices, etc."
Tech Support: "Why was your 'My Computer' icon named Bill?"
April: "I wanted to name it something cute. Did I screw up?"

Classic...

Almost as good as that joke in CtrlAltDel... Ive gotta go get that.. that was brilliant..

EDIT: Lmao!! I found another great one...

Tech Support: "Welch Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Tech Support: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Tech Support: "Went away?"
Customer: "They disappeared."
Tech Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Tech Support: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Tech Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
Tech Support: "Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Tech Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Tech Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What's a monitor?"
Tech Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer: "I don't know."
Tech Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
(Rustling and jostling heard in the background.)
Customer: [muffled] "Yes, I think so."
Tech Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: "Yes, it is."
Tech Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
(Rustle, rustle.)
Customer: [muffled] "Ok, here it is."
Tech Support: "Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: [still muffled] "I can't reach."
Tech Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark in here."
Tech Support: "Dark?"
Customer: "Yes -- the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Tech Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer: "I can't."
Tech Support: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
Tech Support: "A pow-!?" [AARGH!]

Hehehehe, Good funny stuff..

[CongressJon]

One thing: Wow. This is hilarious! Thank you for doing this!!! Here's a few short clips of amnesia:

Customer: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"

Tech Support: "Can I get your phone number starting with the area code?"
Customer: "You don't have it?"
Tech Support: "No I don't, but could I get it from you?"
Customer: "Ok, but I don't think my modem is working."
Tech Support: "No, could you please tell it to me verbally."
Customer: "Is that what the 'V' in my 'PB24DBFV' is?"
Tech Support: "Sort of, but could you just say your phone number over the phone now?"
Customer: "Ooohhhh, ok..."