[thejoker2]

I found some amazing blonde jokes from laughandinspire.com!! Visit that site for the rest, but I will only post half! It has other cool jokes too!! Anyway:

Q: What do UFOs and smart blondes have in common?

A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.



Q: Santa, a Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are

walking along when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?

A: None of them, three don't exist and the dumb blonde thought

it was a gum wrapper.



Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

A: An air bag.



Q: What do you call ten blondes standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.



Q: Why do blondes wear earmuffs?

A: To avoid the draft.



Q: How do you clear a blonde's mind?

A: Blow into his ear.



Q: How does a blonde measure his I.Q.?

A: He holds a tire gauge to his ear!



Q: When is it a bad idea to shoot a blonde in the head?

A: Because everyone will know.



Q: What do you call ten blondes at the bottom of the pool?

A: Air pockets.



Q: What do you call fifty blondes in a swimming pool?

A: Air bubbles.



Q: What's a blonde's favorite rock group?

A: Air Supply.



Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?

A1: Blow in her ear, if she's a natural blonde she starts to float.

A2: If you hear the wind whistling through her ears, you know she's

a natural blonde.



Q: Did you hear about the blonde who went hot air ballooning?

A: He sat too close to the campfire.



Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.



Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery

on a blonde?

A: "Space. The final frontier......"



Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.



Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in an empty area?

A: A vacant lot.



Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts?

A: Change.



Q: What is a blonde doing when he holds his hands over his ears?

A: Trying to hold on to a thought.



Q: How do blonde brain cells die?

A: Alone.



Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted!



Q: Why is a blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?

A: It swells at night.



Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at a target?

A: Run!... he's got the grenade in his mouth.



Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?

A: Pull the pin and throw it back.



Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?

A: They're too hard to peel.



Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?

A: Proofreading.



Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?

A: For throwing out the W's.



Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Ask him to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.



Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's white-out on the screen.



Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's writing on the white-out.



Q: Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens?

A: They couldn't find their eraser.



Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?

A: He didn't like it because he couldn't get MTV.



Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.



Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?

A: Tell her she's pregnant.



Q: What about the blonde guy whose wife gave birth to twins?

A: He wanted to know who the other man was.



Q: Why does a blonde only change his baby's diapers every month?

A: Because it says right on it "good for up to twenty pounds."



Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?

A: Because he loved children.laugh and inspire!

[Killerconvic]

None of those jokes were funny..

[thejoker2]

is this one funny????

Things I've Learned From My Children...





For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
READ to the end!! The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin , Texas :

Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on--plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin , TX , has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid...


_____________________________________________________________
Joker mailto:webmaster@laughandinspire.com
For more humorous articles for all ages and
a collection of inspirational essays, visit
-------> http://www.laughandinspire.com <-------

[Unholy Maiden]

60% men will try to mix chlorox with brake fluid after reading this...

^ im one of them! ill also tryr running over the dust bunnines too, does it workwith a skateboard?

also joker2 did those thing that the anonymous lady said actually happen to her?

[Glammeress]

LOL! I am almost sure at least one of these guys will be of the 60%...

I have children. And they do things like this. A lot. Let this be your only warning.

[Bespetna]

dud those are funny nice job finding them

sweet you made glammerus tiked off u should get somthin for that lol

[Killerconvic]

[Bodom]

[Ferret Overlord]

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.


For some reson I cannot explain, that worked... .

No, I'm serious. They really do turn into Satan's Bunnies.

Note to self: Bring dust bunnies, roller blades, and industrial size can of hairspray to bar mitzvah.

This post has been edited by Garunda Te: 01 June 2004 - 01:24 AM

[claw4prey]

wat goes "skreech" "vroom" "skreech" "vroom" "skreech"?



a blonde at a blinking red light

[Raktor]

Bit late, but what are these 'dust bunnies' and where can I obtain them? Already have enough hairspray

[InuYasha_lover]

I heard this 1 joke and there are 3 people standing on a drawbridge, Santa Clause, a brunette, and a smart blond. The drawbridge opens,who falls in first?

The BRUNETTE because they're is no such thing as a SMART blond or Santa Clause!!!

This post has been edited by InuYasha_lover: 02 October 2005 - 01:53 AM

[Pendragon205]

i take offense to some of these you know! i'm blonde and yet i'm smart! well, i'm a dirty blonde anyway.......

[©allum]

i take offense to some of these you know! i'm blonde and yet i'm smart! well, i'm a dirty blonde anyway.......

Lol that's a good one

[Serenarocks]

Here are two:

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

If quitters never win, then who’s the idiot who came up with the saying, ‘quit while you’re ahead’?