Posted 11 December 2007 - 02:22 AM
Announcer: "Welcome to the Zolon Family Crazy-Mc-Funtime show!"
-- Cue theme song --
Singers: "Just when you thought"
Background: "Thoughts, thoughts thoughts!"
Singers: "It was safe to come out"
Background: "Out! Out (of the closet) out!"
Singers: "We've all come back to Haaaaauuuuuunt"
Background: "Haaaauuuuunt (like a ghost, boo!)"
Singers: "You unexpecting minds!"
Background: "I have half a mind to--"
Singers: "Hah! They said they have half a mind."
-- Music stops --
Background: "Oh no you di'in't!"
Singers: "Oh, we went there."
-- Cue theme song --
Singers: "And nooooow"
Background: "Oooooooow"
Singers: "oooooooow"
Background: "It's time for the..."
All: "Shoooooooooooooowwwwwooowoowowowoowowoowowowowowoowoowww"
-- Enter awesome guitar riff --
All: "SHOW!"
-- Enter Zolon, rear entrance --
Zolon: "Hey everyone! It's been quite awhile since we had a show. So I decided to start off with something completely awesome."
-- Zolon takes off his left shoe, and tosses it up in the air --
-- Shoe is caught by a monkey that runs it over to a floating bathtub --
-- Monkey jumps in the tub, pulls out the plug --
-- Guns n' Roses comes from the drain --
Zolon: "Wow, if this isn't a treat! It looks like the old group got back together, just for this show! Isn't that awesome?"
-- Slash plays awesome guitar riff --
Zolon: "Thank you Slash. Now, how hard was it to convince the old crew to get back together?"
Stradler: "Well, it was a bit difficult. We actually had to rebuild Axl as a robot in order to get him to come back and sing for us."
Zolon: "So... is he a robot?"
-- Zolon walks over and poke Axl Rose --
-- Axl Rose punches Zolon in the face, sending him flying across the room and off the stage --
-- Guns n' Roses plays "Sweet Child o' Mine"
-- Zolon returns to the stage in a giant mech suit --
-- Guns n' Roses equip their super power rings, and form a portal to an unknown location, vanishing into the rift in a flare of awesome guitar riffs and crazily high vocal tracks --
-- Zolon blows up a statue --
Zolon: "Now wasn't that a treat, ladies and gentlemen! Now, it's time for that random segment, we love to call "Oh god, not this again!""
-- Lights go dark --
-- Lights slowly reappear, dim. Zolon is sitting on the couch with his arm around what appears to be a succubus --
Zolon: "So honey, how was work?"
Succubus: "I stole the souls of 20,000 men last night. Then, I bathed in their blood."
Zolon: "Aww, that's so adorable. Hey, look, a cookie."
-- A dog enters from stage left --
-- A bolt of lightning zaps the dog from stage right, turning him into a molten pile of goo --
Zolon: "Eh, you win some, you lose some."
-- A purple amorphous blob covered in human looking eyes enters from stage right --
-- Zolon groans loudly and looks at Succubus --
Zolon: (hushed) "Why didn't you tell me your mother in law was coming over?"
Succubus: (hushed) "I did not know she would be here."
-- Succubus lunges at the amorphous blob --
-- Succubus is eaten by amorphous blob --
Zolon: "Hey Graa'xplt''nahatchu."
-- Graa'xplt''nahatchu bubbles, perhaps in a fart. --
Zolon: "Oh god, not this again!"
-- A portal opens above Zolon, revealing a Phieta. --
-- Phieta drops onto the couch, and brandishes hedge clippers. --
-- Graa'xplt''nahatchu gurgles and exits stage right --
Phieta: "Just in time! Oh, hey Chris."
Zolon: "'Sup Pete."
Phieta: "Not much."
Zolon: "Quite."
Phieta: "Indeed."
Zolon: "Indubidently."
Phieta: "Certainly."
-- The couch catches fire, and the stage is stormed by fire trucks of various sizes --
-- Zolon picks up a fire truck and eats it --
-- The lights dim --
-- The lights return, revealing Zolon and Phieta in Ghostbusters' Gear --
Zolon: "I heard the sound right around here."
-- Zolon motions toward the fridge --
-- Phieta opens the fridge, and smells it --
Phieta: "Smells like.... superdimensional demonic repopulization."
-- Zolon looks at the fridge --
Zolon: "Are those two sandwhich demons DOING IT?"
-- Phieta shrugs --
Phieta: "Looks like."
Zolon: "Huh. Lets kick their asses!"
-- Phieta kicks the fridge --
Phieta: "It occurs to me that sandwhiches do not have asses."
Zolon: "Then shoot them!"
-- Zolon and Phieta blast the sandwhiches with their particle beams --
-- Zolon dusts his hands as the sandwhiches are sucked into the trap --
Zolon: "Another job well done."
-- Enter 12 scantily clad women from stage left --
-- 12 scantily clad women begin dancing on the tables, chairs, and with Zolon and Phieta --
-- The lights dim --
-- The lights return, revealing a purple chicken --
-- The chicken hops into a spotlight. --
Purple Chicken: "HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN!!"
Purple Chicken: "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US."
Purple Chicken: "YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION."
-- New spotlight shines, revealing a cockpit full of chickens --
Red Chicken: "WHAT YOU SAY!!"
Purple Chicken: "YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE, MAKE YOUR TIME"
Purple Chicken: "HA HA HA HA..."
Blue Chicken: "CAPTAIN!!"
-- Spotlight fades from Purple Chicken --
Red Chicken: "TAKE OFF EVERY 'ZIG'!!"
Red Chicken: "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING."
Red Chicken: "MOVE 'ZIG'."
Red Chicken: "FOR GREAT JUSTICE."
-- The cockpit explodes, turning all the chickens into tasty buckets of KFC --
-- Enter 'ZIG' from stage right --
-- 'ZIG' takes buckets, exits stage left --
-- All lights dim --
-- Zolon reappears, glowing --
Zolon: "I am become the glowing one."
Zolon: "All shall bow before me. I am your new ruler."
-- Phieta appears and pokes Zolon --
Phieta: "Hey just swallowed the contents of a glowstick. Ignore him."
Zolon: "Aww, I was having fun."
Phieta: "Now we dance."
-- Phieta and Zolon burst into disco dancing for 22.3 minutes --
-- The light dim --
-- The world ends--
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