[Mobster101]

Here's my book that i was asking for advice about, its not finished but I wanted to post it here for every1 to read....
This will be a long post.....hope thats ok....




An Old man
Ha-ha” exclaimed the old man. “ No no young lad, it was quite fun party. Drinks all around…but I shouldn’t be telling you this before…ohh it’s past your bed time. You better get off to sleep.” “Hey gramps, how have you such a long life.. I mean you’re a human after all.” This young boy was very curios, especially at bed time. “Well you could say it’s been one heck of a time… you see this globe,” The old man pulled a globe from one the secretive pouches in his robes. “It’s a globe made by a good friend. It lets me see the past…why am I telling You this?” “oh come on gramps!” “Ok ok, I had that sickness you remember? Well during that time I took this globe and went on so many adventures.” The old man stared at the globe fondly. “ But gramps I have marbles bigger than that!” “Ho ho if I speak the word it will become two feet wide!” The young child stared at the globe, dreams of the world he could see with it, in his eyes. “Well tomorrow since you parents will be gone for a month, I will tell you a tale about some friends in the middle of a war.” He could see the Childs eyes light up. “But I would like you to be able to stay awake!” Laughing he put the child to bed and blew out the candle.

“Gramps!” The child came running through the house. “It’s time for the story!” “Ohh yes, sit down sit down.” The child got in front of the fireplace, Joy in his eyes. “This tale starts in the mountains of Barashiel. At a house in the middle of the night….”










Chapter I
The Joyful Tavern
Crack! “Oh no!” “Jaslin?” The young teenager just knew he had been caught sneaking out. “Umm…..maybe.” He often used humor as away of getting out of trouble. “Ohh thank goodness I thought it was a guard. Or my mom… or my dad or… Ouch!” Jaslin smacked his friend on the head. “Shut up! Do you have any idea how loud you are leke?” Leke talked way to much and was quite a bother. “Well ok ok, the tavern is just up ahead come on.” These two friends often sneaked out to a tavern called the Enchanted Rose. They met up with there friends there and drank ale.. even though they were under aged.
The tavern was always very joyful and they felt like they were adults when they were there. The tavern was owned by a man known as piggy, he hated the name but hey if it brought costumers in… The tavern was mainly one huge room. There were torches on the walls and a huge fireplace. Everyone loved to sing songs and dance around on the tables, chairs, anything big enough. There were always lots of people there and it could be quite entertaining listening to the sailors and adventurers. When the two friends arrived they saw one of there friend immediately. There friend a short little man named boplin was dancing and singing…drunk. “OHhhhhhhh yea! Lets all sing tonightttt and dance with all our…lets see what rimes with night? Oh yes might!” There other friend Maria was trying to keep him from falling of the table he was standing on. Boplin and Maria and been friends for a while. Ever since her older brothers had left her with boplins family when she was only two years old. Now she was sixteen and loved boplin and his family very much. She was a beautiful young girl, and had a secret crush on Jaslin. Boplin was a very short little guy with a very child-like attitude. He always was singing and dancing and telling jokes. As Jaslin and Leke walked in they new there was going to be trouble.
“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! This is to much fun! Jaslin come and join m-“ Crash! “ Ouch! Maria I thought you were going to keep me on the table!” I’m sorry Bop but I couldn’t. I was…well I was…” “you were what?” “I was staring at Jaslin! All right there I said it!” Just then the owner piggy came up “What! The heck is going on here?!” Piggy hated a disturbance. “Well I was dancing and the love sick puppy here that we call Maria, was staring at that guy over there, and I fell off.” Ohh Boplin had such a way with words! “ All of you even that boy over there better get out of here before I kill you, you little frea-“ crash! Crack! “And stay down!” Some person in the tavern had seen the disturbance and had shoved piggy right through the floor! “Short guy, lady, get your friends and get out of here!” Then these heavily cloaked figures stood up and drew there swords. They had only one thought on the mind: to protect piggy. They charged at the stranger ready to kill. The friends tried to get out but more of these figures blocked the door! “No! How are we supposed to get out of here now!” Jaslin screamed. The stranger let out what seemed to be a battle cry but one word could be heard clearly “Pyro!” No one knew what this meant but it didn’t sound like a normal battle cry. Then a terrible screeching noise started. One word popped into everyone’s mind: Dragon! Immediately everyone went crazy they knew what this meant, this stranger was a dragon master! “ Pyro flame!” Then the dragon let out a terrible burst of fire engulfing half of the building, and knocking the friends off there feet to the other side of the tavern. “Pyro back window full spread! “ This back window faced off the side of the mountain a good three hundred foot fall. “You four jump out of that window!” “What I will do no such thing. I might be drunk but I’m not stu- ouch!” The dragon master slapped boplin. “Do you want to live? I thought so. So jump!” All of the friends ran and jumped out of the window but not before many glances at the dragon master. They fell about two feet and landed on the big red dragons back. “Wow! This is amazing! I mean Jaslin we have got to get one of thes-“ Smack! “Shut up Leke!” Then the dragon master came barreling through the large window. “Pyro back to kee-“ Crash! “Die!” One of the cloaked figures screamed as he came through the window. But he didn’t jump out he crashed out, and half of that wall came with him! “Pyro to keep! Go dang it!” But before the dragon could move the figure and the wall fell on the dragon. When the figure landed his cloak came off exposing what he was…..a goblin! “Now I’ve got you little pests!” Before anyone could do anything he shoved his sword in the dragons back, thrusting deep into the dragons heart. The dragon then began to fall! “No! Pyro! Up up!” The dragon masters words were useless. “Were all going to die!” He thought. Then the goblin jumped off of the dragon and grabbed onto tavern floor just in time! “Grab her wings!” The dragon master knew it was futile but he couldn’t give up. “What? Where will that get us?” Jaslin was tired of the dragon masters crazy plans. “We have to guide her down! Now grab!” Everyone did as they were told but they still weren’t sure were it would get them. “Left, right no no left!” The dragon master screamed commands. They saw the ground approaching but it looked unusually green. But they had lived in the mountains there whole life, everything looked different up there. The dragons wings started to slow down there decent as well as guiding them. But they were still going to fast. They saw the ground only about twenty feet from them and then the dragon master screamed. “Everyone hold on!” Then they crashed but it didn’t seem like ground they had fallen into.











Theres more but i couldn't coopy/paste it...

[©allum]

Find a publisher.

[Mobster101]

lol, you liked it??? cool, and when its finished i am

[Pureblade]

Just make sure to fix grammar errors before you send it to the publisher...but otherwise, it's pretty good.

[Mobster101]

lol grammer and spelling hasn't been biggest concern

[Darkness]

It looks like a good story, but, no offence, I cringed while reading because of spelling/grammar errors. I just couldn't get through all of it. But, good luck!

[©allum]

[Mobster101]

Just so you knwo it was done on ms word. and when i do write the last thing i want to do is go through many many pages of book and fix errors. It's just plain boring. but trust me we'll fix it before hand.

[Pureblade]

Good, as long as grammar gets fixed it looks good. Some parts I just couldn't read though, it sort of blended together, missing periods, commas, ect. But yeah, I think it is good so far.