

LAVA CANNONS!
Seriously!
What possible method of defense could even begin to protect a person from lava fired at them from a cannon? Plate mail? Bullet-proof vest? Another human? Please. All that stuff will melt when you attack someone with a lava cannon, and so will they. Throw your cannonballs and clowns in the garbage, because lava is the only thing that should be fired from cannons.
YEAH!