[Snowy]

An army of bandits, two thousand at least, were robbing a few desert traders and killing their families.
The screams of pain from the children and the howls from the families as they saw their loved ones slaughtered echoed in the desert. But, how could there be an echo? Doesn't the sound waves have to reverberate of something to create an echo? Oh.

A massive battalion of Frionian soldiers marched through the Badlands. They were sweating profusely in their warm garments, after all Frionia is frozen. Rhesal Blizzard was riding a beautiful white stallion across the Badlands. He grabbed a nearby Commanders' war horn and started blowing into it, not knowing how to make the loud trumpet and succeeding in only making a few wet raspberries, making himself look like an {expletive antidisestablishmentarianized by Cspace}.

Rhesal rode on to the bandit army, stopping only to confer with a herald from the Bandit King. He waited until the herald arove and then he punched him off his high horse. The herald landed on his butt, and he rubbed his sore tushy. "What was that for? I came under the white flag of truce!"

Rhesal jumped down from his horse, landing on the herald's chest, managing to knock the wind out of him. "Err, both of those are for pretty much merciless slaughter. Go back to your king and tell him I will personally see to it that he is beheaded in front his Lieutenants, and Generals and all his other high-ranking officers. Oh, and that his head will be smeared with Karlornian dung and he will be dragged around the Galaxy in my Starfire. Got it? Or do I need to repeat myself?"

The herald ran off and when he got back, the bandits immediately ran towards the battalion. Rhesal looked ecstatic as he drew his blades of death, infamous as they were. "Yay! Let's kill some guys!" They waited, and then the battalion attacked.

[Darkness]

A random crazy man appeared in the distance, skipping at an incredible rate. As he skipped past Rhesal, he stopped.

"Oh, hello there! I didn't see you... Where did you come from? You sneaked up on me like a ghost!" he laughed.


Meanwhile, down by the end of the Frionian lines, Oric trundled past. Something seemed to be wrong with him; he was acting rather oddly, speaking in some sort of accent that was quite unaccustomed while wobbly back and forth with a glazed look in his eyes. He arrived at the middle, finally, where Rhesal stood, glaring with a confused expression at all of the men, yet not really seeming to see them.

[Snowy]

"OH MY GOD A STRANGER! I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!" Rhesal scissored the random guy's head off with his swords. Then he went over to Oric, took his helmet off and but it near his hand. Rhesal cleared his throat and said, "What you got, my man?"

[Darkness]

Oric glared at a certain man standing in the lines rather angrily (yet still with a glazed, confused, bewildered expression), and then muttered, "Mother? Mother!" He ran forward and hugged the man, who had up to this point looked rather bewildered himself, but at this point was rather terrified. "Wait... You don't smell like mother!" Oric exclaimed. "IMPOSTER!" He jumped backwards, drew his sword, and stabbed it through the man's stomach. The smell of the blood seemed to rouse him from his odd state slightly, and he noticed Rhesal.

"Oh, hello there, ol' chap. I didn't see you there. Are you sneaking up on me, friend? I don't like it when people sneak up on me!" he glared at Rhesal, still speaking in the odd accent.

[Snowy]

"GIVE ME THE GOODS OR I WILL FREAKIN STAB YOU!"

[Nuu™™]

Without any forewarning an old man wearing a silly little cap, an argyle vest, kinky boots and nothing else fell out of the sky and hit the desert near Oric and Rhesal, making a groan which sounded rather like this:

"NYYYYEAAAAHH!"

[Snowy]

Rhesal slaughters bandit over bandit. When all the bandits are dead he got bored and decided to kill the villagers. And take their women and make them slaves in the Frionian kitchen.